Chapter 26: Abort, Retry, Fail?
"I really wish I'd been able to talk him into it," Sam says dejectedly. "I don't understand it- I can't think of a single person who wouldn't want to join the SGC once they learned what it is, and it looked like Crichton was tempted for a second there, but then he just shut down like he wouldn't even consider it."
"Maybe Jack scared him off," Daniel suggests.
"Daniel," Colonel O'Neill says.
"Jack," Daniel replies, and that seems to be the end of it. Honestly, sometimes the two of them could have whole conversations consisting of just their names.
"Perhaps our attempt to convince John Crichton to join the SGC would be more fruitful if I were the one to speak to him," Teal'c says.
"You don't have to do that, Teal'c," Sam says. "If he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't have to."
"No, Sam, I think Teal'c has a point," Daniel says. "He clearly has some issues with the military, and maybe if Teal'c told him about his situation and what we and General Hammond have managed to do for him it might reassure him, especially if he's worried about the flexibility of a military program."
"You sound like you're speaking from experience," Colonel O'Neill says.
"Well, you may not have noticed this, Jack, but archaeologists and anthropologists don't exactly tend to be a military-friendly group in general. Although for the most part, I'm not the one doing the recruiting. You'd be surprised at how many people refuse to listen to me after I introduce myself. But yes, it is useful to have an example to point to, that the SGC isn't a typical military program, that it's flexible if it has to be. And I suspect that what's holding Crichton back is that he doesn't think the SGC will be flexible enough for him. But since he didn't even try to negotiate for it, and he tossed us out of there pretty quickly, it must be something he doesn't think he has even a remote chance for, even when he learned that we know about his fake ID."
"I don't think he was surprised that we found out about that," Colonel O'Neill says. "He was too calm."
"Well it's not exactly a huge leap of logic to figure out that we ran a background check before offering him a job," Sam says. "But I suppose it wouldn't hurt for Teal'c to try to convince him."
"You heard Carter," Colonel O'Neill says, turning around to go back to the house. "You want to give it a shot, Teal'c, let's go."
"I believe I might have more success if I went alone," Teal'c says.
"No way," Colonel O'Neill says. "No way are you going to ditch the rest of us."
"Sir," Sam says, "Teal's right. All of us there was probably intimidating. If it was just Teal'c he wouldn't feel as much like he was being cornered and he'd be more likely to open up."
"Now we want him to open up?" Colonel O'Neill asks. "Is this recruitment or therapy?"
"If we don't know what the problem is, we can't fix it," Daniel points out. "There might not even be a problem, just Crichton's fears and inaccurate perception of the SGC."
"All right, fine," Colonel O'Neill says, giving up. "You've convinced me. If you want to talk to him without any backup, be my guest. We'll be…in the car, I guess."
Teal'c nods solemnly at him in thanks and goes back to the house.
Chapter 27: Not From Around Here
"Look, Murray, I know you guys want to hire me, but I don't want to do it," John says as soon as he sees who's on the other side of the door. "And trust me, there isn't anything you can say to convince me."
"Nevertheless, I would like to be given the opportunity to try."
John sighs and holds the door open for Murray to enter. "Sure, whatever. I'm willing to listen, but you're wasting your time."
They settle into the same seats they had been in earlier, except this time, for the first time since he'd first appeared on John's doorstep, Murray removes the baseball cap on his head. John had started to think it was a weird thing about Murray, that he never took his hat off, but now he sees that it's there to cover up the mark on his forehead, a raised gold oval around a squiggle. It seems like an odd thing for somebody working for the military to have on his head, and most people who get tattoos or piercings or whatever this is on visible places don't bother to cover them up; they get them in order for them to be seen. If they don't want them to be seen, they get them somewhere easily covered up or don't get them in the first place. Of course, it's possible that Murray had only covered his up because his job requires it, but Carter, O'Neill, and Jackson don't seem like the kind of people who would report him for taking off his hat.
"My name is Teal'c." He'd been introduced as Murray earlier, though, John's sure of it. So why the subterfuge? So the guy has a strange name. A lot of people have strange names, but they don't go around introducing themselves by different names unless they hate their real names. And if they hate their real names they don't tell them to virtual strangers to try to convince them to be hired. But Teal'c continues. "I was once the First Prime of Apophis. I come from a planet called Chulak, and my wife and son are still there."
"You look human," John says. "Sebacean?" Teal'c raises an eyebrow in inquiry. "Never mind," John waves it off. "Obviously not."
"I'm a Jaffa. We're born to be the hosts to the larval form of a parasite known as the Goa'uld, which have enslaved humans for thousands of years. If the larval Goa'uld were to be removed from me, I would die. When I first came to Earth, there were certain factions which wanted to remove my symbiote to study it, regardless of my death. However, General Hammond and SG-1 fought against them and ultimately triumphed."
"Obviously, since you're still here."
"Indeed." And then Teal'c falls silent, just looking at him until he can't stand it any more.
"Look, just because they went to bat for you doesn't mean they'll go to bat for me," John says. "And I think some of my requests would be stranger than yours." Teal'c raises an eyebrow again. John gets the sense that he uses The Eyebrow to communicate a lot, and a lot of the time. "You aren't the only one in danger of being experimented on." The Eyebrow. Teal'c is apparently a skilled interrogator even without saying anything. "Promise you won't tell anybody if I show you?" John asks. "Not even the other three. I know they're your friends and you trust them, but I don't."
"I do," Teal'c says.
They're already in the kitchen, because it's where John usually entertains guests- it's comfortable and sunny, and he doesn't have a TV because he'd spent so long without one that he'd lost all interest in it, and he entertains guests so little that he hadn't seen the point in buying chairs and couches he'll never use. He himself grades his papers and works on his wormhole theories at the kitchen table, which encourages him to keep his theories at least somewhat organized, since he has to move them off of the table if he wants to eat in. So since they're already in the kitchen, it only takes a second for John to get up and pick up a knife.
He holds it to his hand above the kitchen sink. "Are you watching?" he asks Teal'c.
"I am," Teal'c says. "The action you have planned seems ill advised."
"Just watch," John says, and uses the knife to cut deeply into the palm of his hand, biting his lip to keep from yelling. Pain's supposed to be a warning sign, to keep people from doing things that'll kill them, but this won't kill him. Sometimes it annoys him that he has to put up with the pain even though it's basically obsolete to him, but at least it goes away quickly. John's blood is dripping into the sink. Teal'c obviously thinks he's gone off his rocker, but at least he's staying for the demonstration and not trying to interfere or anything. "Want to see a magic trick?" John asks conversationally, feeling the healing lightning rising to his hand.
Teal'c watches the healing without saying anything except with that eyebrow of his, which, if a picture is worth a thousand words, is worth a thousand pictures at the least.
John rinses off his hand and the knife. He'll wash the knife more thoroughly later (he does have to use it to prepare food, after all), but this will do for now. "You can examine the knife or my hand if you want," he says. "But it's real, and if the government got their hands on me I don't think they'd ever let me go. You think people have problems with you? How do you think they'd feel about somebody who can only die one way- and no offense, but I don't trust you enough to tell you what that way is? And that's only the first one of my problems with the job offer. If it was just that, then I'd have no problem as long as I was as protected as you are, but believe me, that's just the tip of the iceberg."
"General Hammond would protect you, I'm certain."
"Yeah, well, like I said that's only my first problem with this."
"Would you do it if your conditions were met?"
John tosses the knife on the counter so he'll remember to clean it later and looks anywhere but at Teal'c. "Maybe. Probably. I have some philosophical difficulties with it, but considering…" he trails off. No matter how nice Teal'c is being, be doesn't want to tell him everything. "They really aren't that large as long as you guys aren't messing around with time and alternate realities, because that never turns out well." He realizes what he's said and coughs. "Or, that's what I've heard. From movies and so forth."
"Indeed."
"But there's no way my conditions will be met. Some of them I don't think anybody would agree to, and most of those are the ones I won't negotiate on."
"I've found the SGC to be extremely flexible, and Captain Carter greatly desires your aid. It may be that if you ask, your conditions will be met."
"I don't think you'll be saying that once you hear my terms," John replies.
"You will never know that if you do not tell me your terms."
"All right, fine," John says, grabbing a legal pad and a pencil to write it down with. "I'll tell you, just give me a few minutes to think of all of them. I know I've got a few, but I haven't exactly had time to think it over."
Chapter 28: Conditions
"Is this a joke?" General Hammond asks, reading the list of conditions Teal'c had gotten from John Crichton.
"It is not," Teal'c says. "Of the conditions which John Crichton explained his reasons for having on the list, his reasons made sense and I agree with them."
"So which ones did he explain?" Colonel O'Neill demands. "Why does he have so many conditions, or such strange ones?"
"I am afraid that I cannot tell you that," Teal'c says, "as he has made me swear not to, and I will not betray a confidence."
"It's like he doesn't want us to hire him," Daniel says.
"But if he's trying to make us give up on trying to recruit him, then why's he giving us demands? Why doesn't he just say no?" Sam asks. "It doesn't make any sense unless he means it about not being willing to work here unless they're met. To me, it looks more like he wants to but figures none of his conditions will be met."
"That's because they're insane," Colonel O'Neill states. "We can't require medical exams? Allowed to carry weapons- and he's even made a note that by weapons he means a handgun, a knife, and a sword. The man's clearly unhinged."
"He did volunteer to take proficiency tests with all of the weapons, even the sword," Daniel says. "Although I don't know where we'd find somebody who's good with one other than, supposedly, him, it does show that he wouldn't be just waving them around without any clue how to use them. I don't know what the medical exams thing is about though."
"That one of the things he explained to you?" Colonel O'Neill asks Teal'c.
"Indeed." Teal'c inclines his head.
"Oh, good, so there's a good reason behind it, we just can't know it. That's comforting. General, come on, you can't be with them on this, can you?"
"I'm afraid I can, Colonel," General Hammond says. "John Crichton is a valuable asset that I'd prefer not to let slip through our fingers. I can grant all of these without a problem. I'd like to speak to him on the subject of medical examinations once he arrives, and try to change his mind."
"I do not believe he will change his mind on that matter," Teal'c says. "Nor do I believe he poses any danger to himself or to others by forgoing medical exams, even in situations of contagion. However, I did manage to convince him to allow examination if there is believed to be a threshold situation."
"I'd still like to try," General Hammond says. "I'll get this all arranged, and then we can contact him to let him know we've agreed to his conditions."
"Welcome to the SGC, John Crichton," Colonel O'Neill says, slightly sourly. "I hope you're less trouble now that you're hired."
Chapter 29: Stargate
In all honesty, the last thing John had expected when he'd made his list of conditions was for them to be accepted, without any problems- well, there probably was quite a bit of discussion about it, even if only in General Hammond's head, but it had clearly gone quickly, because here he is, showing his ID to the guard at the gate to Cheyenne Mountain not more than a month after they'd come and asked him to join the SGC. And the only reason it had taken a month is because he'd had to wait for Mac to get back- he wouldn't want to be remiss in his dojo-sitting duties, after all- because the SGC had actually sent out a whole troupe of soldiers, who had packed up everything he owns as quickly and efficiently as if they do it every day. Which they probably do, so. Mac thinks he's crazy for accepting the job, especially since he knows it's military- he saw the soldiers. "They can make you disappear just as efficiently as they packed up your house," he warns. "No matter what papers they've signed."
"I know," John says. "Do you honestly think I, of all people, don't know that?" He stares at Mac until he gets it. "But it's wormholes. I can't just forget about it. If there's even a remote chance it'll get me back home faster, I have to do it, especially since they agreed to all of my conditions." And Mac does get it, he knows. Mac knows what it's like for home not to be the same place he's living on a permanent basis- John's heard him talk about Scotland, and he knows that it's home to Duncan no matter how long he goes between even visits.
So here he is, gate guard scrutinizing his ID, other gate guard checking out his car's undercarriage with a mirror or something, and then guard #1 hands him back his ID, raises the bar, and lets him enter the base. Parking's on the left side of the road, so he parks, but then he finds that he can't move. He feels as nervous as if this is the first day of school and he's been forced to go naked. And if he makes a single misstep every person in there will shoot to kill, and when he comes back disregard the agreements the General had signed. It's possible he's panicking a little, but it's just a bit too late for him to be having second thoughts about this.
John forces his fingers to uncurl from the steering wheel, one by one, and at long last opens the door and steps out, retrieving his katana Tomoe and the gun he'd picked up on Earth (he's saving Winona for when he gets back to Moya; after all, he can't get chakkan oil here)- he already has the knife on, but it's impossible to wear a sword and drive at the same time, and a bit uncomfortable to wear the gun at his back (personally, he'd prefer a thigh holster, but this isn't the Uncharted Territories; by law, he has to keep it concealed). And then he's ready, because the soldiers who had packed up his house had also sent his theories on ahead at his request. They'd gotten here before he did.
He really has no clue where to go once he enters the Mountain, but fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately, considering who it is) Colonel O'Neill is there and waiting for him.
"Ah, there you are," the Colonel says. "I was afraid you were going to be late for your first day of work."
"Are you my tour guide, O'Neill?" John asks. "I thought Carter was going to be."
"Yeah, she was," O'Neill says. "But there was a situation she couldn't tear herself away from." He looks worried (not enough that they're in danger, unless he's unusually unconcerned about immanent death, but enough that John knows that the situation is real, and not something manufactured so that O'Neill can grill him without interference. No, that's just a side benefit to O'Neill). "She said something about…magnets."
Magnets? Is O'Neill really stupid or is he just faking it? John suspects the latter; you don't become a Colonel by being stupid. He could probably help, if Carter's involved, but he knows he isn't going to get a chance today; today's tour day for him, period.
"Anyway, this way," O'Neill says and walks over to an airman seated behind a desk and shows him his ID. "If you want to go down, you have to show your ID to this guy, even if you've been in his sight ever since you came up. Normally it would be your base ID, but he has to give that to you so show him your driver's license."
John does, and the airman checks it against a list, like he had with Colonel O'Neill's. Apparently satisfied, he opens a drawer and pulls out an ID, which he hands to John.
"You have to wear that so it's visible at all times while you're on the base," O'Neill says. "Technically, we're all supposed to shoot first and ask questions later when we see somebody without an ID badge, but in practice it's a bit more fluid." He opens his mouth to say more, but closes it with a glare at the airman.
ID badges clipped securely in place, they enter the elevator beside the desk and O'Neill presses the button for the lowest level. "Sometimes it seems like the elevators are the longest part of the commute, you know? But I guess they're pretty fast for how far down they have to go." They're silent through the rest of the elevator ride, going past the next airman at a desk and going through even more thorough scrutiny, and the next elevator ride, because they don't know each other well enough to have anything to talk about and there really isn't anything to say about the elevators. O'Neill looks like he's about to say something a couple of times, but he never does. Maybe he's saving up all his comments for the tour.
They step out of the second elevator, and it looks just like the rest of the base: grey. Not that John was expecting anything different, because he really wasn't, but it'll take some getting used to, like Moya's golden walls had. For weeks he'd woken up disoriented just because it was a new place completely different from anywhere he'd lived before, but he'd expected that. What he hadn't expected was to see gold out of the corner of his eye, in the very beginning, and be startled, even though everything was gold.
This is apparently the SGC proper (no more elevators, fortunately), because O'Neill turns to him and says, "Welcome to the SGC. I suppose you want to see the Stargate first?" and starts walking off without waiting for his reply. Which makes sense, really; the Stargate is what everybody is here for, from the soldiers to the scientists, and who wouldn't want to see it first? That would be like going to Paris for the first time and refusing to even look in the direction of the Eiffel Tower. Except more so, because everybody knows what the Eiffel Tower looks like; if there's a movie that has Paris in it at all, you can bet the Eiffel Tower is going to be there, visible. But there are no movies about the SGC, no pictures of the Stargate outside of the SGC and really top secret files. Basically, if you want to see the Stargate you have to see it in person, and since it does more than just sit there it probably looks different in real life than it does in pictures.
O'Neill leads him into a conference room overlooking the gate room. His breath catches. He'd only had the shortest of descriptions, and like the explanations of what's done here, he suspects that's shorter than the spiel usually given to new recruits before they're allowed into the SGC because of his resistance to the idea of joining the SGC. But even so, he suspects the sight of the Stargate would amaze anybody who hasn't been going through it for as long as, apparently, Colonel O'Neill has been, because he doesn't seem to feel anything out of the ordinary at the sight of it. But John only notices O'Neill's lack of reaction out of the corner of his eye, with the part of him that has been trained to always be on alert, because the rest of his attention is focused on the Stargate.
It's huge. He'd known that, intellectually, but it's one thing to know that the Stargate is a ring which is 20 feet in diameter, and quite another to see the soldiers looking almost like ants next to it. It's like the difference between knowing that Moya is large, and flying out in the Farscape and taking a look at her, having to go pretty far out before he can even fit all of her into the window. It's like knowing that teenagers are difficult, and jumping into teaching 6 classes every day. It's like knowing that Mac is a sadistic bastard and being trained by him.
A claxon sounds, and the red lights he'd noticed on the walls of every room and corridor start to flash. The Stargate's dial spins and the triangles along the rim light up. Then something that looks like a huge mass of water comes out of the Stargate. John takes an involuntary step back- that's going to take some getting used to- and the "water" recedes until it looks like there's a pool of water upright in the Stargate. Maybe this is the difference between an artificial wormhole and a true wormhole, besides the relative simplicity of navigating artificial wormholes, of course- just dial the gate and step through, and you're in the right place and time and reality, which is far from John's experiences with true wormholes.
"Offworld activation," comes a voice over the intercom. There's a pause, and then the voice continues. "It's SG-3," and the claxons stop, although the lights are still flashing, presumably as a warning that the Stargate is currently active. A team, SG-3 presumably, of four people step through the Stargate, the event horizon rippling around them like it really is water, except that the ripples die away too quickly.
"Walter must be out sick today, or something," O'Neill comments. "He's the usual Gate technician, and he always remembers to use the shield. Somebody's going to get chewed out by the General today." The Stargate "closes", the wormhole dispersing, and he turns to John. "So! That's the Stargate, I'm sure Carter will fill you in on all the details about it later, because she loves to do that. Where do you want to tour next? It's a bit early to check out the commissary, unless you didn't have breakfast, because they don't break out the blue Jell-O until lunchtime. The infirmary's always popular, although that's really more because it's mandatory- but you managed to get out of all the parts of this tour that involve getting really big needles stuck into you, you lucky dog. And I spend enough time around Carter and Daniel to know better than to show you where the scientists hole up yet. General Hammond will be busy with SG-3 for a while, he'll send for you when he's ready to meet with you. So…" O'Neill trails off and looks at John expectantly.
"I suppose you want to get me checked out on my weapons," John says, seeing where he's going with it. "Sure, I guess we can do that, although somehow I doubt you even have anybody who's qualified to test my skill with a sword."
"Oh, you'd be surprised," O'Neill says blandly. "This way."
"By the way, what's the purpose of these stripes on the floor?" John asks, figuring if it's important enough to paint on the floor it's important enough to be mentioned on the tour.
"You know, I've always wondered that myself," O'Neill says. "But nobody seems to know."
Chapter 30: Testing
As he'd expected of a base this large, with so much ordnance being carried around, the shooting range is both large and occupied by several people. John and O'Neill go off to the side, where there are fewer people but it's no less noisy, and O'Neill watches as John readies the target and his handgun. He gestures at it, a may I? John shrugs and hands it to him. O'Neill runs a short check of the weapon, pulling out the clip and working the slide before putting it back together and handing it back to John along with a box of ammunition.
John turns to the target and shoots like Aeryn had taught him to all those years ago- after he'd almost shot himself with the Peacekeeper's pulse rifle when they were escaping she'd decided to teach him so that he wouldn't accidentally shoot her. Of course, Earth weapons have a lot more recoil than pulse rifles for the same amount of damage, and his first few shots are a little off because of it, just like they always are when he goes to the range. John's theory is that it's because the range is all the shooting he ever does any more, now that he doesn't ever have to defend himself- with a gun, anyway. He settles into it after a few shots, and the rest of the shots are clustered as closely as they ever are.
The paper target comes back, fluttering in the breeze of its passage through the air, and John removes it from the hangers and hands it to O'Neill. O'Neill's lips purse in a whistle unheard over the din, and his lips shape the word nice. John shrugs like the compliment means nothing, but honestly it's nice to have somebody just compliment him on his shooting, instead of insisting he can do better if he tries. Although he probably can do better, but still, it's a huge improvement from his skill level when he'd first picked up a pulse pistol. Aeryn's done a good job of teaching him, by objective standards if not by her subjective ones. And he knows that she just wants to keep him safe, because she isn't always there- case in point, now- and even when she is, sometimes it needs more than one pulse pistol to stay alive.
John refills his clip and slides it back into his gun, then looks at O'Neill. Do you want me to show you some more, or is that good for you? And O'Neill gestures back, shrugging. It's good for me, but we've got a lot of time to kill, so if you want to go for longer you can. John considers, and then he shrugs and reholsters the gun. There will be time later. For now, they might as well get on with the "tour" so they can be done before General Hammond is ready for him.
O'Neill folds up the target and tucks it into a pocket. "Souvenir?" John asks when they're back out in the corridor.
"I have to show it to the General," O'Neill says. "Proof of your abilities, and such. Hey, do you want to see the gym next?" he asks like the thought just occurred to him.
John gives him a look that he hopes conveys how much he isn't fooled by O'Neill's innocent expression. "Yeah, sure, if you want," he says. "And I guess we could get those qualifications out of the way while we're there. You know, save a little time."
"You know, that's a great idea," O'Neill says, still playing the innocent. "In fact, I bet Teal'c's there now, I bet he'd help us out if we asked. And you never know, sword fighting might be one of those skills all the Jaffa have, like the staff thing."
"Staff thing?"
"Oh yeah, they're big on the staffs, those Jaffa. Although for the most part they use them to shoot people with. But they do train for… staff to staff combat."
"So you think he might know how to sword fight?"
"Oh, yeah, Teal'c seems to know everything there is to know about combat. Nobody's even come close to beating him in hand-to-hand, he does well on the range, and there's nobody I'd rather have watching my six. But what do you expect from a man who used to be the First Prime of Apophis and is more than a hundred years old?"
"Teal'c's more than a hundred years old?"
"Yeah, apparently Jaffa live for a really long time. He doesn't look a day over sixty, does he?"
"I guess not." The more he sees the universe, the more John realizes that humans are really short lived, in the greater scope of things. Nothing like traveling around the universe, making friends with aliens, to give you perspective. Although he hasn't thought of them as aliens for a long time; they're just people, no matter if they're green or purple or blue or mixed polka dots and stripes. Sentience is what matters, not the external appearance.
"So, about this qualification- I take it you have your knife on you, like the gun?"
"I don't leave home without 'em," John replies.
"So do you need to go out to your car to get your sword or something?" O'Neill asks.
"Nope, I got that, too," John says.
"Where?" O'Neill asks. "You can't conceal a sword, and I don't see one."
"Oh, ye of little faith," John says, and draws Tomoe. He shrugs. "It's not surprising you didn't see it; I've had a lot of practice concealing it, because you might not have noticed but it's a bit longer than the legal length for knives." He makes sure to keep his pronouns straight; he usually refers to Tomoe and Winona with female pronouns, but he doesn't really want O'Neill to start thinking he's crazy, or at least crazier.
O'Neill looks impressed, but John can't tell if it's because of Tomoe or because of his skill at concealing her. "Wow, you really do have a sword. I thought that was just a joke, or something." Or it could be the third option.
"You thought I made a joke about wanting to be allowed to take a sword to work on a secret military base?" He shakes his head and laughs. "I don't have that strange of a sense of humor." He slides Tomoe back in her sheath, where she's invisible unless you really know what to look for- for the most part, the only people who do are immortals.
"Well, you do have to admit it is a strange request. And technically, the base isn't secret, just this part of it."
"I have my reasons," John says shortly, and he thinks O'Neill would have pushed for more detail- which no way is he going to provide- except it's obvious that they've arrived at the gym, even to somebody who knows the layout of the SGC as little as John does. "Oh hey, the gym."
As a change of subject it's blatantly obvious, but John doesn't care if O'Neill knows that he doesn't want to talk about his reasons; in fact, it's probably better that he does know. He's known since John had refused to talk to anybody except for Teal'c back in Seacouver, of course, but apparently he'd needed a reminder. John's been relatively subtle so far, but if he has to tell O'Neill explicitly that he isn't going to talk about it to make him stop bothering him, then he will. He just hopes it doesn't come to that, because O'Neill's the second in command of the SGC, and outright friction with him wouldn't be anything like a good idea. Besides, they really are at the gym. O'Neill must be really distracted by him to not be pointing out the sights, such as they are.
"Ah, yes," O'Neill says, walking into the gym. It's pretty much what John had been expecting; gyms are pretty much all the same, after all, so really the only difference between this gym and one off of the base is that this one has the same grey walls and floor as the rest of the SGC (and presumably the rest of Cheyenne Mountain, but John hasn't actually seen much of the Mountain except for the SGC so he's really only guessing on that score). "This is where the magic happens."
"Really? I wasn't aware of any magic being done at the SGC. Or that it worked."
"Indeed," Teal'c says. "Neither was I. Perhaps Colonel O'Neill will inform us of when this magic will occur." He looks at O'Neill like he's waiting for a reply.
"It's an expression, Teal'c," O'Neill says, exasperated. "Meaning this is where you're going to beat him like you beat everybody else on this base. And you should know better," he says, pointing at John. "Scientists," he mutters under his breath. "I'm just going to sit down and watch, and you guys can work out the details of the fighting." He suits his actions to his words and takes a seat on one of the benches where he has a good view of the open area where they'll fight.
"Do you have a preference about which order we should do combat in?" Teal'c asks him politely.
John considers for a second. "How about we go from my worst weapon to my best?" he asks. "Although I don't have a problem with the other way around. We can do unarmed, too, if you want- I'm better at unarmed than with the knife because I've been doing it longer, but I'm amazing with a sword. Although we probably shouldn't use actual swords for that. I wouldn't want to hurt you."
"It does seem prudent to take precautions to avoid injury," Teal'c says. "And the order you have proposed is acceptable. I have taken the liberty of procuring wooden substitutes of both knives and swords- although both come in a number of varieties, and I was unsure which you used."
"Thanks, Teal'c. I'm pretty flexible about the stuff I use, at least for practice and short term. Why don't you just get those out and I'll get ready." Getting ready means taking off his holster and Tomoe in her sheath, and his jacket. It's something he can do in his sleep, and has in the past when almost asleep from exhaustion, because it's been his routine virtually every night since he returned to Earth involuntarily. He leaves it all in a pile, with a look at O'Neill that means don't touch and if I get distracted, don't let anybody else touch my stuff either. Not that he cares about the jacket; it's just a jacket. And the gun is just a gun, although he cares more about it because of what it is. The only thing he's really concerned about is Tomoe, but she's the unusual item in the pile, the one that anybody who wants to mess with his stuff will want to touch. Guns and jackets are a dime a dozen in the SGC, but Tomoe is one of a kind, no matter where she is.
Teal'c hands him a wooden knife and he automatically checks the balance. Not too bad, although probably not the best for throwing, if there was ever a reason to throw a wooden knife. Staking vampires from a distance, maybe? There are no vampires here, just him and Teal'c and O'Neill, and right now him and Teal'c are the only two who matter. They close in on each other, and, well, Teal'c beats him. Badly. In a way, it reminds him of when Aeryn had first started teaching him, except they'd never done knives and she'd tended to be more disgusted with his lack of ability than Teal'c is, unless he's hiding it really well. Which is entirely possible, considering his characteristic stoicness- he could be thinking or feeling anything behind there, and nobody would know but Teal'c. But that just doesn't seem like Teal'c. And sure, he barely knows the guy, but he'd barely known Aeryn before he'd fallen in love with her. He has a pretty good track record with his snap judgments of people.
Teal'c removes the wooden knife from his neck, gets up from kneeling on his chest, and offers him a hand up.
"What was that, a minute and a half, a minute forty five?" O'Neill asks Teal'c.
"I believe it was two minutes," Teal'c replies.
"Well, like I said, I'm not especially good with a knife," John says. "I usually end up losing."
"You call that not especially good?" O'Neill asks incredulously. "I think that's the longest anybody's lasted against Teal'c. It's a new record."
Oh, so he's just always been up against the hardest opponents, he isn't actually bad. That's reassuring, except he has the knife so if something happens to Tomoe he'll be at least marginally able to defend himself against other Immortals, and Immortals tend to be just as good as Teal'c is. He should know; Mac's had him face a few in friendly practice matches so he gets a feel for styles of fighting other than Mac's own.
The unarmed combat is over faster, and with the same results, because while John's better at it than he is with a dagger, so is Teal'c, and for the most part John's unarmed combat has been against Aeryn. He doesn't have very much experience fighting people Teal'c's size with anything other than a pulse pistol or a sword.
O'Neill seems disappointed in the outcome of this fight. "For crying out loud, Crichton, I thought you said you were better at unarmed than with a knife, but you went down even faster this time."
"Hey, I might be better unarmed than with a knife, but so is he," John argues. Teal'c hands him a bokken. "Now this is more like it." He gets into a ready stance and waits for Teal'c. "How easy should I go on you?" he asks.
"As this is an evaluation of your abilities, I do not believe you should 'go easy' on me at all," Teal'c says.
"If you say so," John replies and waits for Teal'c to make the first move.
Teal'c attacks, and John easily disarms him, sending Teal'c's bokken flying. Within seconds, his bokken is stopped a hair's breadth from Teal'c's throat.
"Whoa!" O'Neill shouts, and John realizes that Teal'c's bokken had gone in his direction when he'd disarmed Teal'c, and it had barely missed O'Neill.
"Told you I'm best with a sword," John says, taking the bokken away from Teal'c's throat. Teal'c brings a hand up to his neck, even though it hadn't been touched. John knows that feeling, that he stopped that a millimeter from my neck; if he'd been careless I could have been killed, even though that's only a bokken feeling, that phantom feel of a blade at his neck when the only thing that had touched it was the air displaced by the bokken. He'd certainly been on the receiving end of it often enough. "Of course, if you think it's a fluke we can go for two out of three or something, but the results are going to be the same."
"I believe that is sufficient demonstration of your abilities," Teal'c says. "You appear to be proficient in all of them. However, I would enjoy sparring with you later. Perhaps we can help each other improve our skills."
"Yeah, that was amazing," O'Neill says. "I mean, I know the sword isn't really Teal'c's weapon, but I've never seen anybody beat him other than Master Bra'Tak, and he doesn't really count because he's the one who taught Teal'c."
"Uh, thanks," John says. "And I'd like that, Teal'c, if I can find someplace secure to put my sword when we spar. Colonel O'Neill isn't always going to be there, and I really don't want anybody messing with it."
"I have found the Tau'ri to be an honorable people," Teal'c says. "I do not believe they would, as you say, 'mess with' your sword."
"Yeah, well, I guess I don't trust people as easily as you do," John says. "I've gotten burned a few too many times to do that."
"I'm sure we can find you somewhere to lock up the hardware when you have to," Colonel O'Neill interjects. "Just keep it away from the archaeologists or you'll never get it back if it's any good, which I'm assuming it is by your attitude."
"Twelfth century Japanese, and a gift from my teacher," John says. "Plus it isn't easy to find swords that are any good at all nowadays, especially ones in my price range."
"I can imagine," O'Neill says.
Daniel comes into the gym, pushing his glasses up. "Oh hey, General Hammond sent me to tell you guys that he's ready for you…" He trails off, looking at the sword, in John's hands because he's about to put her back on. "May I?" he asks John.
John reluctantly hands Daniel the sword, hoping he has at least half a clue about the handling of swords- the last thing he wants is a chip weakening Tomoe. But fortunately, Daniel just examines her, doesn't start waving her around or anything.
"What did I tell you about the archaeologists?" O'Neill scolds John. "Now you'll never get it back. They're like magpies, I swear. Especially Daniel, he's the worst of the bunch."
"This is a quality sword," Daniel says. "Japanese weapons aren't my specialty, so I might be wrong, but this is from the twelfth century, right?"
"Yeah. I named her Tomoe."
"After the onna bugeisha from the same time period?" Daniel asks, and gives John Tomoe back.
"I figured she needed a name, and my teacher knows all of the Japanese history and legends from the time he spent there, so it seemed to fit." John puts Tomoe back on in her usual almost invisible sheath.
"So what's an onna whatsit?" O'Neill asks.
"Onna bugeisha," Daniel corrects.
"Yeah, that."
"An onna bugeisha was a female samurai," John says.
"Well, not technically," Daniel says. "Samurai is a term referring specifically to males, so technically no woman could be-"
"Daniel." O'Neill cuts him off.
Daniel gives a long-suffering sigh. "Yes, a female samurai," he agrees to simplify.
"There, see, was that so hard?" Jack asks, and then steamrolls on. "So you named your sword?" he asks John. "Named any other weapons?"
"Not this gun, if that's what you're asking," John replies. "I really only carry it around because it's impossible to find ammunition for Winona. And I'm not talking about Winona," he cuts off O'Neill's next question preemptively.
"Fine, fine," O'Neill says, throwing his hands in the air. "I know enough to quit when I'm ahead. Or at least not behind. And we have a meeting to get to, even if General Hammond's probably going to just make me wait in the hall for you to get done."
"Lead the way, then," John says.
"He's in the conference room, not his office," Daniel volunteers.
