Chapter 14: Theory
John wakes up from a dream that he doesn't remember with a glimmer of an idea about wormholes; nothing conclusive, or concrete, but it's a start, if he can just get it down on paper before he forgets it. Unfortunately, he can't see anything to write for or with in the entire apartment, just some old books that Mac would probably be upset if he wrote in, the floor (it wouldn't be the first time, but it certainly isn't his first choice), and a newspaper, which he supposes would be better than the alternatives even if it has hardly any space for him to write in. If he can only find something to write with. He doesn't think the old folklore standby of blood will do the trick any more, not with how fast he heals; the blood would disappear before he could make even one letter. Finally, when he's starting to lose hope, he finds a stub of a pencil, covered in dust and behind the refrigerator, and he sets to work.
Mac finds him there he doesn't even know how many hours later. Time might fly when you're having fun, but for him it really flies when he's working on his obsession. He's shredded a few sheets of newspaper in frustration at not getting the equations anywhere near right, but for the most part he's avoided doing that; paper is even more precious to him at this moment than it had been on Moya. He's also come to the conclusion that swords are not made for sharpening pencils, and really shouldn't be used for that purpose if there's any choice at all. There hadn't been for him, and he'd been desperate, and if he hadn't been Immortal he might have bled to death.
He doesn't know how long Mac's been standing there, but he looks up and there he is, looking at John like he's never seen somebody using a newspaper and a stub of a pencil to obsessively try to work out a wormhole equation before.
To be honest, John expects Mac to be a lot more upset than he seems to be. He knows that if he found somebody in his kitchen (Not that Mac really has a kitchen, per se, because his whole apartment is one huge room except for the bathroom, separated into "rooms" only by the types of furniture, but John's in the kitchen area, so it counts) working frantically on wormhole theory and completely ruining his newspaper (not that they get a newspaper on Moya, but still) in the process, he would be more than a little upset, but Mac just looks at him strangely and goes to put away the bags of groceries he's carrying. Maybe the difference has something to do with the age difference. Or with John's experiences with people who want to figure out wormholes (he can't decide whether to include his obsession with them in his "experiences with people who want to figure out wormholes" or not).
"There's paper and pencils upstairs in the dojo's office," Mac says. "You didn't have to use the newspaper."
"I didn't even think of that," John replies. "I woke up with an idea, and I guess I wasn't thinking to clearly about anything other than it." He contemplates the newspaper. "Maybe not even about it; I might look it over tomorrow and realize it's complete garbage."
"So what were you working on?" Mac asks.
"Wormholes," John says. "I know I can figure them out eventually, especially since apparently I now have forever, but I'd prefer for it to be sooner rather than later. I'm missing my kids' lives already, there isn't any way to avoid at least some of that; but I don't want to finally figure it out only to discover that my only living relatives in the Uncharted Territories are my great grandchildren. Or dead."
"Do you usually work on your wormhole theories in newspapers, or can I give you some paper and you'll leave the newspaper alone?"
"I'll write on anything if I don't have a choice," John says. "I wrote on the floor once to demonstrate a theory, with the pen I had until I came here. But I prefer blank paper."
"I didn't know I even had a pencil in here."
"It was behind the refrigerator."
"I really should clean back there more often."
"That's one of the nice things about living on Moya: for the most part, the DRDs did the cleaning."
"DRDs?"
"Diagnostic repair drones- little robots that look a lot like those robotic vacuum cleaners, with two lights on eyestalks. They do the cleaning and the repairs, and probably more things I don't know about. I taught one of them to play the 1812 Overture, so they definitely have some hidden skills."
Mac raises his eyebrows. "I'm not sure playing music is really a hidden skill," he says. "Or at least not for robots."
"It is when they aren't designed to play music," John argues. "And when I was the only person who knew the 1812 Overture. At the time, anyway; I think it's been played enough over the past few years that everybody who's spent a while on Moya knows it now, including the passengers."
"I see," Mac replies. "So, did you figure out the wormholes?"
John gives a short laugh. "I wish," he says. "But it's probably going to take decades, much less years. This is just a tiny idea that might eventually lead to something that might bear fruit, years and years down the line."
"So I take it you can stand to drag yourself away from your work for some training?" Mac asks.
"I think it's safe to say I'm done for the day," John says ruefully, surveying the newspaper, with every possible free space filled with cramped writing.
Chapter 15: Another Planet
"All right, Zhaan," Mommy says, checking her pulse pistol one last time before sliding it into its holster. "Hold on to your brother's hand and don't let go."
"This isn't the first time we've been down on a planet," D'Argo says, not wanting to hold his younger sister's hand. "It's not like we're going to get lost or something if we don't hold on to each other. And besides, even if we did, that's why we have our comm. badges, right?"
"D'Argo, do you want to eat or not?" Mommy asks. "I can't leave the two of you here alone, and if you're going down to the planet you're going to hold hands."
"Why can't you leave us up here?" D'Argo demands. "I'm old enough, you can trust me. And it's not like we're little kids who would fall in Pilot's Den or anything."
"Are the two of you going to hold hands or am I going to have to turn this transport pod around?" Mommy asks. "Of course, since we're running low on food cubes and who knows how long it will be until we reach the next planet…"
"We've already landed," D'Argo argues. "You can't turn the transport pod around."
"I can take off and we can go back to Moya right this instant," Mommy threatens, fitting action to words and sitting back down in the pilot's chair.
"D'Argo," Zhaan whines, "I want to go on the planet." She slips her hand into his.
"Fine," D'Argo finally says with disgust. "But you'd better not be any trouble." He knows she will be, though; she always is, even when she's on her best behavior. Mommy claims it's something they inherited from Daddy, but he doesn't believe her because it's obvious that he didn't inherit it.
Mommy's weird about Daddy. D'Argo barely remembers him; he'd been younger than Zhaan is now when Daddy had left. Mommy claims he'd disappeared against his will and will be back someday, but she thinks D'Argo's just a baby, like Zhaan. He knows she's trying to protect him from the knowledge that Daddy had abandoned them, but he doesn't want to be protected. But Zhaan's still a kid who needs protecting, so he plays along. Sometimes he wonders if maybe Mommy believes Daddy's going to come back, though, because she's so insistent on it, and not only to him and Zhaan- he'd heard her arguing with Aunt Chiana about it, and didn't believe Aunt Chiana when she said he wouldn't be back, that it had been five years already and how long was Mommy going to wait? And Mommy had replied, "As long as it takes." But they might have been talking about somebody else; they hadn't said any names. Nobody ever says Daddy's name; he doesn't even know what it is, and he's asked before. Everybody just says for him to ask Mommy, but Mommy refuses to tell him too. She doesn't even pretend she's doing anything other than refusing to tell him, though, just tells him he'll be safer if he doesn't know (which everybody else agrees about, but he doesn't want to be safe, he wants to know who Daddy is) and then goes somewhere he can't hear her even if he listens at the door or hides in the vents, and talks to the thin air- or maybe it's the little black box she takes with her when she does that. Maybe Daddy's dead, and that's why she talks to the air when she's been thinking about him. But if Daddy is dead, why would everybody lie to him about it? He knows they think he's just a kid, but they tell him the truth about everything bad that happens- or happened in the past- that isn't related to Daddy. Sometimes they even tell him about bad things involving Daddy, but not Mommy. Mommy never talks about Daddy unless somebody brings him up first, and then she never says much. A few times, somebody who knew Daddy started to tell D'Argo a story about him, but then when Mommy came over by them they changed the subject really quickly, like they were afraid of what she'd do if she heard them talking about Daddy. So D'Argo's only heard a few stories about Daddy, but they all sound really drad. Even though he knows Daddy's probably either gone for good or dead, D'Argo really hopes he isn't, because even if he wasn't D'Argo's Daddy, he sounds really drad, for an adult of course.
The planet isn't anything special. D'Argo's been on dozens of planets just like it over the cycles, because they have to stop and pick up supplies every few monens, and they're never anything exciting. The only difference he's been able to notice on most of them is the people on them- sometimes almost all of them are the same species, and they get stared at because they're so different; and sometimes, everybody around them is Sebacean and they look like everybody around them but they don't fit in because they're wearing the wrong clothes and aren't from that planet (they don't go to many of those, and Mommy's always unhappy when they do go); and sometimes, like now, everybody's from different species and they fit in perfectly because nobody expects them to be one thing or another except for the few people who are surprised that they're Mommy's children because they think Mommy's a Peacekeeper. Sometimes D'Argo wonders if the planets are this boring and ordinary everywhere, or if they're only boring because they never go anywhere other than the market. Probably commerce planets are like this everywhere, because that's what they're there for, right? Why would there be parts of them that aren't about commerce, except for sleeping quarters and stuff? But the other ones, the ones that are just normal planets and not commerce planets, what are they like once you get away from the spaceport and market that are all D'Argo ever sees of them? What do they do with all that space? Planets are way bigger than ships, even Leviathans like Moya, and Mommy, D'Argo and Zhaan put together only use a small amount of the space on Moya even when they're as far apart as they ever get, which is pretty far- most of the time it's only them and Pilot, and they tend to get sick of dealing with each other every once in a while. Oh, D'Argo's explored most of Moya, because sometimes it's the most exciting thing to do, and sometimes he has to help out in some remote part of her, but that doesn't mean any of them have ever really used most of Moya. They don't even use much of the space for storage, even when they're acting as a cargo ship, which they only do when they really have to for the money, because it means letting other people come onto Moya, which Mommy really doesn't like.
There are a lot of things Mommy doesn't like, as a matter of fact, and most of them involve other people. Pilot says it's because she's a soldier, and calls her Officer Sun, but if she's a soldier then where's her army? D'Argo thinks there has to be an army for somebody to be a soldier; otherwise, aren't they called a mercenary instead? But Pilot says she can be a soldier without an army, even though most people aren't. Everything Mommy doesn't like that doesn't involve other people is things D'Argo and Zhaan do. She gets the same worried expression on her face when D'Argo plays in Pilot's Den that she gets when she has to let strangers onto Moya, except when she has to let strangers onto Moya she doesn't do anything other than watch them closely usually, but when she gets it when she sees D'Argo doing something she doesn't like, she yells at him for it. Sometimes she gets it when she's watching Zhaan or D'Argo and she thinks they don't see her, but she doesn't yell at them when she gets that expression those times. Sometimes after them she goes off by herself and talks to the air some more.
But Mommy isn't being weird now. She's just being her usual focused, goal oriented self that she always is on planets, even if she's usually more relaxed up on Moya. D'Argo supposes he can see how the maelstrom of people they don't know could set a soldier's instincts on edge, but they've never had any problems on planets, except for a few times when people refused to pay them for transporting their goods, but those weren't dangerous except when Mommy pulled her pulse pistol on whoever was refusing to pay (and even then, they're only dangerous to the other people, not to Mommy and D'Argo and Zhaan), and they didn't happen because they were on a planet.
Mommy walks forward firmly, not quickly but expecting Zhaan and D'Argo to follow her and everybody to move out of her way enough for them to pass by. It works well, of course; Mommy knows how to pass through crowds quickly if she wants to, and she usually does. When it doesn't work she has no problems resorting to the shoving and elbowing most of the other people in the crowds have to resort to to get anywhere at all, but most people take one look at her and move out of her way as much as the crowds will let them. D'Argo wonders if he'll have the sheer force of personality that lets her pass through crowds so easily when he grows up, if he'll inherit it or if it's a trait unique to her.
Chapter 16: Missing
Aeryn walks through the crowds on the latest planet they've come to, D'Argo and Zhaan trailing after her. The people scatter before her like the pins of the Earth game John had tried to teach her before the heavy ball. It's only been 8 cycles since the war and the Eidolons' peace, and most people still don't believe, perhaps can't believe, that Peacekeepers have improved. Sometimes she doubts it herself- just because she doesn't see the evidence doesn't mean they aren't chasing some other man across the galaxy. But since they don't believe Peacekeepers have improved, and there's the usual association of Sebaceans, especially Sebaceans wearing black, with Peacekeepers, she doesn't have to make much of an effort to move through the thick crowd.
She wonders, as she often has, what kind of a lesson D'Argo is taking out of people being afraid of her. John wouldn't have approved, she's certain of that, but he probably would have fixed it all, at least in her mind, and changed the lesson taken from it by D'Argo with a few, probably incomprehensible to somebody who hadn't spent years with John, well-timed words. He'd always been better at being a parent than she had been, and she's afraid that she's only gotten worse as time has gone by. She's too inflexible, and she didn't have a family other than the father she never met and Xhalax, who was far from the best mother she had ever heard of. Without John here, she tries to be more than the soldier without a family that she had been when they had met, but try as she might she keeps feeling herself slip back into her old ways, like she always seems to do when she's separated from John. The children keep her from being entirely like she used to be; they seem to have softened her like John had. But she knows that, without the hope that, someday, John will find a way to return, she would backslide far more than she already has, children or no children.
Speaking of which…she glances back at them, just to make sure they're still following her. They are, of course, just like they always are, and she heaves a mental sigh of relief. They're still too young to leave on Moya, even with Pilot for company, and even though D'Argo has been pushing to be allowed to stay behind for the past few trips- D'Argo, the same one who keeps complaining that he's bored on Moya when they aren't near a planet. But still she worries about them while they're on planets; there are too many people. Anything could happen, even if it hasn't happened already. In fact, especially since it hasn't happened already. It's been too quiet; when something happens it's going to be something huge: not somebody picking on D'Argo because he appears to be Sebacean, but kidnapping or maybe something even larger. She only hopes that it's small enough for her and Pilot to handle on their own, or that it happens slow enough that they can get to help in time.
Comforted by their continued presence, Aeryn stops at a shop which looks like it sells food cubes. As it turns out, it does, and she bargains with the merchant until they agree on a price. Then she pays and arranges for the food cubes to be delivered to the transport pod, and turns around to collect Zhaan and D'Argo so they can run the few other minor errands they need to run on this planet. Unfortunately, they aren't anywhere in sight.
"D'Argo?" she calls, hoping they're just out of sight behind somebody or behind one of the stacks and containers of food in this shop. "Zhaan?" They don't pop out from behind anything, and she doesn't hear either of them reply. No reason to panic yet, though, they're all wearing their comm. badges, so all she has to do is call them. And Pilot should be able to track them from orbit. Aeryn taps her comm. badge to talk to them. "D'Argo? Zhaan? Where are you?"
There isn't any reply, just the lack of noise that means they aren't transmitting anything, not even a bad signal. "Pilot?" she tries. "Can you track Zhaan and D'Argo for me?" She waits for a reply, but she doesn't hear anything from Pilot.
The comm. badges work; they had checked them before they'd left Moya, just like they always do, just like she checks her pulse pistol and anything else she knows it's possible she might have to rely upon; it's only common sense. And Pilot hadn't said anything about this planet's atmosphere blocking transmissions or anything, so why wouldn't anybody be responding to her comm. signals? Her mind bubbles with the worst case scenarios- Moya's been taken over. D'Argo and Zhaan have been kidnapped. Their comms are being jammed because somebody wants to capture or kill her or all of them. Unfortunately, none of the worst case scenarios are impossible; nor would they be truly unexpected, not with everything that has happened in the past.
"Hey, Sebacean," a Luxan says to her rudely. "Can't you read? Comms don't work in the market." She gestures at a sign on the wall of one of the stalls.
The sign does indeed indicate that comms don't work in this area, due to a comm. jammer being broadcast. She's never run into this in markets before, because it makes no sense to jam comms in markets. Normally comm. jammers are used at entertainment places, to keep people from using their comms and interrupting the entertainment, and since she never goes to them (and especially since John disappeared and she's the only parent Zhaan and D'Argo have for now) she's never even thought about them other than to note that they exist. Why would one of them ever be installed in a market? If they are, she's going to have to start being more selective in where she goes, or else resign herself to being without comms on planets where they use comm. jammers. But none of that helps her now. None of it helps her find Zhaan and D'Argo, who could be anywhere in this mass of people.
D'Argo and Zhaan are children; they're short enough that she'll never spot them over the heads of everybody else here, and they're small enough that they don't clear a large space around themselves, so she can't spot them by looking for a place where there aren't people tall enough to see over the crowd. And they're weak enough that they could be swept away with the flow of the crowd even if they didn't want to go in that direction. They might even be trampled under the feet of the crowd. And this is all assuming that this is just happenstance, and not enemy action. Aeryn's fairly certain they don't have any enemies left, not at this late date and not without John being with her, but it isn't always possible to know all of one's enemies. Peacekeeper High Command or the Scarrans might have decided to finally eliminate her, once and for all, or one of their other enemies from the past might have decided to do the same. It might even be somebody out for revenge upon one of the former Moyans, who has decided that Aeryn and her children are the only ones who are easy enough to get to. It might even be somebody she doesn't know, somebody random who decided that Sebacean children would be good to kidnap and do who knows what with- Peacekeepers don't have jurisdiction here, and the local government and police force is unlikely to be friendly with Sebaceans, because few of them are.
Suddenly the air is split with screaming, and Aeryn's glad she hadn't moved far from where she'd been when she'd discovered that D'Argo and Zhaan weren't with her, because that's D'Argo screaming, in pain, and he's nearby. If she had moved, she might not have heard him. She just hopes he's screaming because he pinched a finger or something, but the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach tells her not to be so optimistic- D'Argo rarely cries or screams, even when she knows he has to be in pain. Aeryn dashes towards her son, shoving people out of the way to get through the crowds as quickly as possible. The crowd thickens suddenly, clustering in a ring around what she knows is her son, even if she can't see him yet. She shoves and elbows her way through, and her heart clenches at what she sees.
Chapter 17: Animal
D'Argo's been grumpy all day long because of going down to the planet, even though he's been complaining for weekens that there isn't anything to do on Moya. For a while Zhaan had thought that they would have to leave the planet right when they landed on it because of D'Argo. Zhaan knows that Mommy will take off again if she threatens to and D'Argo doesn't listen to her; while she hasn't done just that in the past, she always carries through on any threats she makes, or promised rewards; after all, isn't that what she's supposed to do? Why would she lie to Zhaan or D'Argo or Pilot? They're family, and often the only people they see for monens on end is each other. Bluffing each other wouldn't work because they know each other so well.
D'Argo's only holding her hand very reluctantly; he doesn't like that he always has to take care of her when they go down to planets. But it isn't like she has a choice about it either; they have to get food, and Mommy refuses to go down to planets without them. And Mommy has to concentrate on buying the food; she can't spend all her time watching Zhaan and D'Argo, which she thinks has to be done even though Zhaan and D'Argo are obviously old enough to take care of themselves.
Zhaan loves going down to planets, even if D'Argo doesn't. Whenever they go down onto planets, or stop at stations, they always stop at the markets, because otherwise why would they even be there? And markets might just be all the same to Mommy and D'Argo, but to Zhaan they're a tantalizing glimpse at lives and worlds she doesn't know and probably never will know. She doesn't want to stay on any of the planets, of course; they might look interesting in their newness and difference from the burnished gold corridors and rooms of Moya, but she much prefers to stay on Moya, where she travels around and gets to see so many different places and species and cultures. It would be boring, she thinks to stay in one place all the time, no matter what it might have in its markets, because if you live in one place you never meet anybody new. You're just stuck with the people arund you and you never go anywhere else and get to know anybody else, even a little bit. And those people around you might all be the same species, even, and then you would never learn about the Delvians or the Luxans or the Diagnosians, only about the species you're surrounded by, and wouldn't that give a very flat view of the universe? Confined by the horizon and the gravity of the planet, and stuck only knowing the people on that one planet unless somebody comes to visit you, how could anybody feel alive? There aren't even conduits to play in or unused parts to make toys out of, or DRDs to play tag or hide and go seek with.
But just to visit, planets are fun. Markets are always so chaotic and exciting, and always so full of people and things for sale and even animals like those over there. There are animals on Moya, but they aren't anything exciting and Zhaan isn't allowed to go to where they are, anyway. The animals for sale in markets on planets are always so new and different, like nothing she's seen before. They're even more interesting than the people and different species she sees on planets because she's learned that people are pretty much always just people, no matter what they might look like on the outside, but animals are different. Some of them are aggressive, and some of them are tame, and some of them are pretty or make fun noises that mean nothing at all, even with the translator microbes she's had since she was born.
Like those animals over there, like nothing she's seen before, the same blue as a Delvian, but only a few drenches tall and feathered and making noises that sounds kind of like the music that 1812 plays when you ask it to play music. It isn't the same song, of course; nobody they've ever met has known the song except for them. But it sounds kind of like it would be, being played by this animal instead of by a DRD or hummed or whistled by one of them. She drags D'Argo over to the animals, even though they're supposed to keep following Mommy until they're back on the transport pod. They won't take a long time, anyway, so Mommy will never know they're gone. She just wants to get a closer look at the animal, whatever it is.
"D'Argo, look at that animal!" she exclaims. "What do you think it is?"
"Zhaan, we're supposed to be following Mommy," D'Argo says, halfheartedly trying to drag Zhaan after Mommy's retreating back. "Not looking at your stupid animals."
"They aren't stupid!" Zhaan insists, pulling him in the direction of the animals. He might be older and bigger and stronger than she is, but she's still strong enough to drag him along with her if she's determined, he isn't, and he doesn't just let go of her hand, which he won't do because even if going with her and not following Mommy will get him in trouble with Mommy, losing her will get him in even more trouble. It wouldn't be the first time he had done either, after all, so he knows it for a certainty. "See? Look at that one!" she says, and points at one of them, which looks vicious, all sharp teeth and snarling and unfriendly body language. It looks like it would like nothing better than to take a bite out of one of the passers-by, especially one as small and soft and undefended as Zhaan and D'Argo are in comparison to everybody else.
"Drad," D'Argo says, because as Zhaan knows, he has somewhat of a soft spot for the vicious animals. "Where do you think it's from? Do you think it's killed anybody?"
"Would they be selling it if it had killed people?" Zhaan asks.
"Of course," D'Argo says confidently. He's so knowledgeable about everything in the markets, but especially the animals. "If it's killed people then they're probably selling it to people who want to use it to kill other people, or if they want to have it fight another animal, because there are animal fights that they have so that people can watch them."
"Drad," Zhaan says. She isn't entirely certain that she thinks animal fights are drad, but D'Argo thinks they're drad, and he would know, so they must be drad. D'Argo isn't trying to get her to follow Mommy with him any more, so she points out the animal she noticed first, the little blue one with the pretty voice. "What do you think about that one? It's so pretty, and have you heard it singing?"
"I bet it's expensive," D'Argo says. "They always try to overcharge on these exotic animals, you know."
"Really?" Zhaan asks, because even though D'Argo knows a lot sometimes he doesn't know everything, and she knows better than to trust everything that comes out of his mouth.
"Yeah," he says. "They know people will pay more for them, and so they charge more for them. And a lot of them are worthless anyway, like they'll die in a weeken if you buy them and run away if you let them out of their cages so it's not like you can even play with them anyway, so it's completely pointless to buy them even if you can afford them."
"But it's pretty," Zhaan argues. "And it sings, like 1812 does!"
"So?" D'Argo demands. "1812 sings, so why would you want a useless, expensive animal to do the same thing?"
"It's not useless!" Zhaan protests. "It sings, and it doesn't sing 1812's song. It sings something else, probably something it's just making up."
"Yeah, but Mommy says that Daddy taught 1812 that song. If we wanted to, we could make up songs of our own and teach them to the DRDs. I bet you can't teach that animal anything, and especially not a song."
"Of course you can," Zhaan says. "You can teach any animal that doesn't kill people, and since this one already knows how to sing, it would be really easy to teach it something new. Probably all you'd have to do would be to sing it a song once for it to learn it."
"You're stupid," D'Argo tells her. "Animals don't learn that quickly, if they even do. Which that one probably doesn't. Probably it's supposed to just sit in that cage and sing and not learn anything new or any tricks or anything, because it's for rich people to buy."
"Oh yeah?" Zhaan demands. "If that's what you think then why don't you prove it? Go up and sing it a song, and I bet it'll sing it back to you."
"Oh yeah?" D'Argo demands. "If it's a bet then what will you give me if I'm right and you're wrong?"
"You've been hanging around with Uncle Rygel too much," Zhaan says, like Mommy does when D'Argo says that kind of thing when she's around. "Why do you need something if you're right? Are you just afraid of the animal? Is that it?"
"I'm not afraid of any stupid little animal," D'Argo declares. "What's it going to do to me, sing at me?"
"Oh yeah?" Zhaan says, following the familiar flow of the conversation. "Then why don't you go sing it a song then?"
"Maybe I will," D'Argo says. "But you have to come with me, because I don't want to get in trouble for letting go of your hand."
"How would Mommy know?" Zhaan asks. "She isn't here and she can't see us."
"She'd know," D'Argo says darkly. "She always knows. "It's like she has eyes in the back of her head, or detachable eyes or something even though she's Sebacean and not
"That's so drad," Zhaan says.
"Not for us," D'Argo replies and steps forward towards the cage, still holding Zhaan's hand.
The animal's even more pretty up close. It's blue, of course, and small, but it has a shimmery diamond shaped pattern running through its fur, and feathers sticking out of its head in a small area. They're all folded up like they'll be even bigger if the animal decides to open them up, and they're red, which looks pretty with the blue of the rest of the animal. The animal watches them as they approach it with green slit pupilled eyes.
D'Argo purses his lips and starts to whistle, and immediately she recognizes it as 1812's song, which makes sense for D'Argo to whistle because it's the song he knows the best, so he can for sure whistle the whole thing without messing up or having to think about it all. The animal takes immediate interest, perking its head up and moving to the front of its cage on its tentacles, its eyes fixed unmovingly on D'Argo. In fact, it's so interested that when he stops it draws itself up to what's apparently its full height and opens its mouth to respond, fanning out its bunch of feathers into a wide fan, red and with a design she hadn't known had existed when it had been closed.
It opens its mouth and she thinks it's going to sing, but it doesn't. Instead, it opens its mouth and out of it comes a stream of liquid like it's spitting on D'Argo. She doesn't think it's anything other than gross until D'Argo starts to scream in pain.
Chapter 18: Why It's a Bad Idea to Listen to Little Sisters
Zhaan's being a brat again, because she always is, dragging D'Argo off to see some stupid animals, as if he cares about them. But he doesn't put up very much resistance, because it's more interesting than following Mommy, because she seems to think they should just follow her and be bored while she negotiates for the food, like there aren't more exciting- or at least less boring- things to do even on Moya, much less down here. It's not like D'Argo can't take care of himself, and even Zhaan, while they aren't following Mommy around like they're DRDs or something. So D'Argo allows Zhaan to pull him along with her, even if he's seen most of the animals before, because they're slightly more interesting, and sometimes there are different animals, rare ones he's never seen before or that he's only seen shortly while following Mommy, or that he saw so long ago that he barely remembers them.
Sometimes he wants to ask about the animals that are being sold, because they just look so interesting (for animals, anyway), but he knows better than to try. He's a child and he looks Sebacean even though Mommy says that Daddy wasn't- she says isn’t, but he says wasn't- Sebacean and was even from a planet that had barely made it to its own moon before Daddy had come to the Uncharted Territories; and the merchants on every planet they've ever been to have held both of those facts against him. Some of them are relatively nice about it, just ignoring him until he goes away, no matter what he tries to ask them; but others are meaner, driving him off with curses and threatened violence unless Mommy's there to shove her pulse pistol in their faces and make them be nice to him. Although sometimes she shoves her pulse pistol in their faces and makes them be nice to him but then pulls him away before he can ask all the questions he wants to ask, which he doesn't think is fair at all. After all, it isn't like she knows as much about the animals (or whatever else he's looking at) as the merchants do, and it's not like he can ask the merchants anything once they leave the planet, which they always do quickly because Mommy doesn't really like planets unless it's raining, for some reason.
Zhaan tries to make a bet that he won't go up and sing to some tiny little animal that she likes the look of, but he knows that trick and he isn't going to fall for it. Not that he has any problems singing to some stupid animal, but if he takes the bet (and wins, as if there's any doubt on the outcome of any bet between him and his little sister) it's not like he's going to get anything out of it; everything on Moya belongs to all of them, except things that nobody but the owner would want, like clothes; and some of Mommy's things and Mommy's things that she says belong to Daddy. Of course, the reverse is true too, but it's just ridiculous to suggest that D'Argo would lose a stupid bet about him being brave enough to sing to some stupid animal in a cage. Zhaan, however, is still a little kid who doesn't know these things despite living with him for all five cycles of her life, so she keeps insisting that he's too afraid to do it because he'll be proven wrong and will lose the bet, until he just can't stand her whining anymore and agrees to do it just to shut her up. He doesn't have anything to prove to her or to himself, of course, but if it'll make her shut up he'll do it anyway. He's taking her up to the cage with him, though, because Mommy would be angry at him if he let go of her hand for even a microt and she knew about it; Zhaan is very good at disappearing as soon as nobody has a tight grip on her hand, and on a planet is not a good place to lose track of her, especially since D'Argo doesn't know where Mommy is now. Besides, if Zhaan thinks he's scared of the animal, it must mean that she is (Mommy's warned them to be wary around things that look innocent because they aren't always, but D'Argo doesn't think this animal's what she was talking about; it's just so little and cute), and she should have a taste of her own medicine.
He steps up to the cage and briefly considers what to sing or whistle or hum- and which of those to do. But when it comes down to it, D'Argo hasn't heard a lot of music in his life, or at least he hasn't heard much that he actually remembers the tune of, and the only one that he really remembers is 1812's song. And there aren't any words to 1812's song, and since he wants to make sure the animal can hear it he decides to whistle it instead of humming, because he can whistle louder than he can hum.
The animal takes interest before he's even come all the way up to the cage, stopping its halfhearted singing and perking up and looking at him like he's some sort of a shiny object ad it's Zhaan. It kind of slithers up to the front of its cage, like it wants to make sure it gets a front row seat to his performance. So he whistles the song, as close to what 1812 sings as he can make it, although obviously he has to pause a few times for breath because he isn't a DRD, and waits for the animal to respond. It keeps looking at him, like it had been the whole time, and opens its mouth to sing it back to him, and he thinks frell, Zhaan was right. It's going to sing the whole song back to me after only hearing it once. It's probably some sort of special animal that's trained to do just that. Maybe they use it for recording conversations without anybody knowing it's being recorded or something.
But the animal doesn't burst into song, whether 1812's song or one of its own. Instead, it opens its mouth and spits on him, on his face and in his eyes. Just when Zhaan stopped doing that, he thinks ruefully, although in truth Zhaan had stopped spitting years ago. But then he realizes his eyes itch. And then it's less of an itch and more of a burn. And then it feels like his eyes are being clawed out of his head, and he wonders if the animal or some other animal had escaped and started clawing his eyes out, but he can't look and be sure because his eyes are clamped shut from the pain and he can't see anything. He hears a scream, and he wonders who's screaming, but then he realizes that it's him. He drops Zhaan's hand, unable to think beyond the pain, and collapses to the ground trying not to claw his own eyes out to stop the pain, because it already feels like they're being clawed out so if he tried to claw them out it would feel like they were being clawed out even more, which would be really, really bad because this is the worst pain he's ever felt, even worse than when his leg had accidentally been cut really deeply. And he still has the scar from that. It's huge. Even Zhaan's impressed every time he shows it to her, even though she's seen it like a million times. Maybe more.
It hurts so much that he blacks out from the pain, and as the blackness descends on him he's glad that he won't have to feel the pain any more, unless he wakes up and it still isn't gone.
Chapter 19: A Child in Pain
There are a lot of terrible things to see in the universe, and Aeryn's seen many of them. Peacekeepers are not nice people- perhaps in the individual they are, or at least some of them are, but as an institution they most emphatically are not nice- and she'd been with them her life before Moya and John had pulled her away from them, and she'd seen a number of the not nice things Peacekeepers do and had done, first hand, so that's more than one terrible thing she's seen. She'd seen the wormhole weapon, and worse had known what it could do to the universe if it wasn't stopped, which is another terrible sight. But by far at the top of the list of terrible things Aeryn has seen is the sight of her oldest child and only son huddled on the ground and clutching at his face in front of the cage of a deadly poisonous Dariki with its plumage fully extended like it is only when it's attacking with its venomous spit.
D'Argo's screaming, screaming in pain, and the crowd is just standing around and staring at him while he's being killed by an animal. This on a commerce planet, where although people may be obsessed with money even more than they are in the rest of the universe there should be at least one person within hearing distance who can help him, at least one person who cares enough about a child in pain and dying to at least try to help him. She realizes she's thinking like John does, or at least like he had thought when he'd first come onto Moya. His faith in people helping others or even caring about their plights had been quick to go, because it was completely out of place in the rough and uncaring Uncharted Territories. Aeryn knows better than to think that, really. In a crowd of this size, nobody cares about the pain of a "Sebacean" boy. In fact, a lot of them are probably happy that a Sebacean is in pain and probably dying; this planet is near the edge of Peacekeeper territory and a lot of these people have probably had painful dealings with Peacekeepers. The Peacekeepers are trying to change, or at least the High Command is trying to change the Peacekeepers, but it's a top down change with a lot of resistance, so any progress that's being made is being made slowly. Maybe in a decade or two, or a generation or two, attitudes will be different, but this is how they are now and she has to deal with it, which in this situation means she's the only help her son is going to get unless she forces other people to help him too.
Aeryn shoves her way through the crowd until she's within the small circle the crowd has made around D'Argo, who's collapsed to the ground, still screaming, and a terrified and crying Zhaan. Then she takes charge of the situation.
"You," she says, pointing at a random member of the crowd who looks like he knows his way around. "Find some water to flush his eyes out with." She points to another person, a woman. "And you, go find a doctor or a healer. Preferably a Diagnosian, if you find like five of them at once, but I'll take anybody you can find who knows how to fix this." The crowd members she's singled out for helping her don't move, seemingly stunned at being requested to help, but she doesn't have time for their startlement. D'Argo doesn't have time for it. "Go," Aeryn says forcefully. "Or do I have to threaten you before you'll help my son? He hasn't done anything to you, even if other Sebaceans have."
This breaks them out of their trance, leaving Aeryn free to concentrate on D'Argo. She drops to her knees beside him just as he suddenly stops screaming. Terrified, she checks his breathing, but he's still alive. She heaves a sigh of relief; losing a child is the last thing she wants to do today. He must have blacked out from the pain, though which isn't good. She knows next to nothing about Dariki, but that much pain can't be a good thing even if she's able to save his life. It hints at damage, permanent damage, that happens before death to those attacked by the Dariki. If she's right, D'Argo might have already suffered that damage, whatever it is. He'd been clutching his face- no, his eyes, so he might be blinded. She hopes he isn't, and she hopes that the poison didn't travel through his eyes and to his brain like she hears poison can do, and give him brain damage, leaving him unable to think, or maybe even to do anything. In every way, a mercy killing would be worse than seeing him die without her intervention.
She can't do anything for D'Argo until the doctor or the water arrives, so she takes his head into her lap and strokes his hair like she'd used to do when he was younger or when he's sick even now, even though he's growing up so quickly and always gets upset when she does. Zhaan's just as upset as Aeryn is, and crying, and that she can help with.
"It's my fault," Zhaan sobs. "I told him we should look at the animals and I told him to go up to its cage and whistle 1812's song at it. If I'd just listened to him we would have been with you and D'Argo wouldn't be hurt and it wouldn't be my fault."
"Did you want D'Argo to get hurt?" Aeryn asks Zhaan, knowing the answer but having to ask for Zhaan's sake anway.
"No!" Zhaan denies. "I just wanted to look at the animals and that one looked pretty and could sing and I bet D'Argo it could learn 1812's song if he whistled it to him once so he whistled to it but it didn't sing it back to him, it spat on him and hurt him!"
"So if you didn't want D'Argo to get hurt then don't worry about it," Aeryn tells her. "It is your fault, but it was an honest mistake, and D'Argo's going to be all right. So I don't blame you, and when D'Argo wakes up he'll tell you that he doesn't blame you either."
"D'Argo's going to be all right?" Zhaan asks.
"Yes, he is," Aeryn says. "I can tell." Of course, she knows no such thing, but if it'll make Zhaan a little bit less upset she'll try telling it to her anyway. Maybe if she says it with enough confidence it'll come true.
"Really?" Zhaan asks, already perking up. She believes Aeryn with the faith of the young, and suddenly Aeryn really hopes she's telling the truth, even though she'd started out by lying through her teeth. It would be cruel to give Zhaan the hope she's obviously been given, and then to just snatch it away like the promise means nothing.
"Yes, really," Aeryn swears. "Just you watch, the doctor will help him and he'll be completely all right in no time at all."
The crowd shifts, and both of Aeryn's messengers return at the same time, one with a container of water and the other with a Delvian healer in tow. "Ah, a Dariki?" the Delvian asks in that calm way that all Delvians seem to speak. "And I see that we have water; excellent." The Delvian sets to work, flushing D'Argo's eyes with the water a few times before getting out some ground herbs from a bag that he's carrying and adding them to the water to flush D'Argo's eyes some more. It doesn't take long before he sits back. "I'm afraid that's all I can do for him. The poison won't kill him, but it took too long before I got to him. Often in these cases the victim ends up blind, and that is probably the case here. If that happens, I'm certain that a Diagnosian can transplant new eyes into him if you're willing to pay."
"Thank you," Aeryn tells him. "Even if he is blind, you saved his life. Is there anything I can give you in payment for your services?"
"No," the Delvian replies. "It is my duty to help all of those in need that I see. It's part of this part of the Seek."
"Then all I can give you is my thanks," Aeryn says gratefully.
"It was no trouble," the Delvian says. "I only wish the merchant had labeled the Dariki's cage with a warning of its danger. These accidents happen all too easily, especially since not everybody is familiar with which animals are poisonous and which are not."
"Is t safe to move him?" Aeryn asks. Although she knows of no reason why poison would make it bad to move D'Argo, she isn't a healer. There might be some reason she isn't aware of, so it's probably best to ask.
"Of course," the Delvian says. "There is no longer any reason to do anything special, unless of course he has been blinded, which you'll learn once he wakes up; there is no way to tell at the moment."
"Thank you," Aeryn says again, and picks up D'Argo. He's really too large for her to carry easily, especially when he's just dead weight and not even holding on to her, but she can do it if she has to, although her back will probably object strongly later. "Zhaan, come on. We're going back to Moya."
The Delvian looks shocked at Zhaan's name, and Aeryn knows the reason- Zhaan, the original Zhaan, had been infamous on Delvia and among the Delvians scattered throughout the universe. No Delvian would name their child Zhaan. But he's a well behaved Delvian who really wants nothing to do with them after learning that her daughter is named Zhaan, and so he doesn't ask even though he's probably at least a little bit curious about it. So Aeryn heads back to the transport pod unimpeded by anybody, carrying D'Argo and with Zhaan trailing after her.
They make it back to the transport pod, which is fortunately in an area where the comms aren't being blocked, and she contacts Pilot on them to let him know that they're coming back and that D'Argo's been injured.
"Will he be all right?" Pilot asks, concerned about his godson.
"He'll live," Aeryn says shortly, "but he might or might not be blind. We won't know until he wakes up."
"Docking Bay three is open and ready for you," Pilot says. "Moya and I both hope he'll be all right."
"Thanks, Pilot," Aeryn says. "Oh, can you arrange for our food to be delivered? It was supposed to be sent to the transport pod, and I was so worried that I entirely forgot about it."
"I'll see what I can do," Pilot replies.
Aeryn carries D'Argo down the corridors and into his room, and sets him on his bed. Zhaan is still following her, looking as upset as Aeryn feels. After that, there's really nothing more for them to do other than wait, although Aeryn takes the opportunity to pick up a few toys which are on the floor where she might trip on them- or D'Argo, if he really is blinded; as they are now, the children seem to have the remarkable ability to never step on their toys, no matter how many of them might be scattered on the floor where they have to walk and no matter how quickly and recklessly they run around.
Eventually D'Argo stirs. "It doesn't hurt anymore," he says with surprise, and then opens his eyes. "Hey, where are the lights?"
Chapter 20: The Light at the End of the Tunnel
Moya has always been large, for as long as D'Argo can remember, but it was always a cozy largeness- the rooms themselves weren't large, with a few exceptions like Pilot's Den and the cargo bays; and the corridors, although some of them are so long that they run the length of the ship several times over, aren't very far across. Besides, they use so little space on a daily basis that D'Argo had always thought that he could walk it all blindfolded. Only now does he learn how very wrong he was on that assumption.
Without sight, Moya's rooms seem like gaping caverns he'll be lucky to traverse without incident. He'd never realized how much he relied upon his sight to keep him calm, to keep him from getting lost or hurt. Without being able to see, he could be anywhere in Moya- or even another Leviathan- and he wouldn't know the difference if he didn't remember where he was or have somebody to tell him.
Fortunately, it doesn't take him long to come up with the idea of using one of the DRDs as a guide. 1812 had always stayed close to him, even before he was blinded, and so it makes sense for it to be his guide, since it shows no signs of leaving him now. He just tells it where he wants to go, and it leads him there, beeping or playing its song, and he can follow it by listening to it. He doesn't even have to worry about anything being on the floor when 1812 leads him, because DRDs always go around obstacles- their wheels don't allow them to step over, like legs let people do, if they can see the obstacle without running into it. D'Argo suspects it would be a lot more difficult- not that's easy by a long shot as it is- if he didn't have 1812 or another DRD to lead him around. Without 1812, he'd have to rely upon Mommy and Zhaan and his own ability to find his way around, which would take a long time to develop. Even with 1812's help, he often ends the day bruised from running into something he hadn't expected to be in his path.
Unfortunately, being blinded doesn't get him any slack in the lessons Mommy teaches. Sure, he can't read or do anything that absolutely requires him to be able to see, but that doesn't stop Mommy from making him keep learning. Since most of their lessons are more practical and physical than solely thinking and reasoning, he's forced to keep learning most of the same things he had been learning before, but with an added level of difficulty. Even the easier things he'd been learning are frustratingly difficult. He can't just look at something to see what he needs to do, what repair he needs to make; he has to feel it all over until he feels the problem. And then he has to fumble around in the dark for the right tool, for the parts, for everything. And he doesn't even get any slack on the combat training- Mommy seems to think he should be able to at least defend himself while he can't see, and justifies it with the fact that she'd learned to fight while blindfolded. She even rigs up the target practice area with targets that beep, and insists that he at least try to learn how to shoot and throw things accurately at them. "After all," she says, "you can usually hear the enemy, either because they're talking or because they're breathing or walking too loudly. And if you don't learn how to throw again, then you'll never be able to throw accurately. Besides, throwing is easier than catching when you can't see."
And Zhaan's being even more annoying than usual, which is saying a lot because usually she's pretty annoying. She keeps crying that she's the reason that he can't see. She is, technically, but it's not like she was the one who spit the poison into his eyes, and what does she really have to cry over anyway? She isn't the one who can't see anything. D'Argo's the one who should be crying, but he isn't because the blindness probably won't last; Diagnosians can do so many things that nobody else can, medically.
So by the time they reach the next planet, which supposedly has a Diagnosian, D'Argo's bruised from walking into things and from combat practice, and is well past ready to receive new eyes that actually work, or to have the Diagnosian fix the ones that he already has (actually, he'd been ready since he first learned that he was blind), but Mommy cautions him not to be too optimistic. "Your father isn’t Sebacean, although he looks like he is, and he isn't any of the other species that are common. So it's entirely possible that the Diagnosian won't have any eyes that are compatible with your body, or be able to do anything for you." But then Mommy's always pessimistic about everything like that, everything except that Daddy's still alive and that one day he'll return. D'Argo's more optimistic, because everything always turns out better than Mommy thinks it will.
The Diagnosian examines him, making noises that are apparently language that can't be translated by the translator microbes. Fortunately, the Diagnosian has a translator, who tells Mommy that the Diagnosian can't fix his eyes, and he only has one eye that's actually compatible with D'Argo's body because he's half something the Diagnosian has never seen before, that's only close to a few species. Then Mommy and the translator start arguing over the cost, because Mommy always does that even though D'Argo knows that she has a lot more money than the price that the translator's asking for.
Eventually they settle on a price that both of them seem to be willing to accept- although D'Argo knows for a fact that Mommy would have been willing to pay any price for him to be able to see again, because she'd told him that and because that's who she is. Mommy will walk through fire, face down people who can kill her without a second thought, do anything even remotely possible if it's the only way to keep D'Argo and Zhaan safe. Just because she's never had to do anything other than look intimidating and pull out her pulse pistol in the past doesn't mean that D'Argo can't see her determination to keep them safe, even if sometimes it's annoying. Well okay, almost all of the time it's annoying.
So the price is agreed upon, and Mommy gives it to the translator, and the Diagnosian knocks him out with an anesthetic, and the next thing he knows he's waking up and he can see the Diagnosian looking down at him, its face mask firmly in place. "I can see," he says stupidly, drinking in his first sight of anything in months. Abruptly he realizes he can actually see better now than he could when he could see before. "I think this eye's better than my old ones were."
"Your father always did have terrible eyesight," Mommy says, "and he passed it on to you."
"So is that it?" D'Argo asks. "Do we have to do anything else?"
The Diagnosian says something, and the translator translates it: "The doc says that's it, just don't get that eye blinded because he's out of eyes that'll work for you. The donor only had the one, you see." He laughs with seemingly real amusement and takes a bite of the food he's holding. Mommy gives him a look of disgust.
"Then come on, D'Argo," she says. "Thank you for your help," she says, turning to the Diagnosian. D'Argo realizes that she looks older somehow, worn down or something, and he feels a pang of guilt. She wouldn't look that bad if it weren't for me, he thinks.
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