Morse Code

It's strange to be returning to the same school where one of his best friends was shot, especially knowing that she'd died from the wound, but Bernard was handling it well. Mostly. He hasn't hyperventilated or freaked out or anything, anyway. Yet. He's been spending a lot of time concentrating on only his breathing, and fortunately the teachers both don't expect much from him and are giving him a little – make that a lot – of latitude, since they know about Darla.

When he isn't holding to normalcy by force of sheer will he mostly watches Tim, who seems to be taking it a lot better than he is. That isn't, actually, saying very much, but Tim doesn't seem to be acting much differently than he usually acts, which makes him wonder how good of an actor Tim actually is. He sneaks a glance at Tim. Tim looks completely entranced in the lecture that's putting everybody else to sleep, and Bernard snorts mentally in amusement. Definitely a better actor than he'd even suspected.

Tim slides his hand totally innocently off of the desktop and into his pocket. He took his phone out, clearly intending to just glance at the caller ID, but his eyes just stop there and for a second an expression of what's almost certainly shock passes over his face before he wipes it clear and returns to his former position but with his hand in his pocket around his phone. There are only five minutes of class left and Bernard can hardly wait to grill Tim, but unfortunately Mrs. McMillian is one of those teachers who teaches up until the bell (and doesn't let you pack everything up until then either), so he doesn't have a chance until it sounds. And Tim rockets out of his seat like he's on fire or something because they aren't allowed to use their phones in the classrooms (or during school hours, of course, but those just ended), leaving Bernard to curse (mentally and under his breath; he doesn't want to get detention, and this is a high school for God's sake, not a nursery, he should be allowed to curse if he wants) and gather his stuff (which has spread out as usual; he's never been able to keep his mess contained) and follow as quickly as possibly, which isn't very because some people think doorways are appropriate places to stand and talk.

So he only catches the very end of Tim's conversation with whoever's on the other end of the phone, which tells him nothing except that apparently Tim sometimes ends phone calls without saying goodbye or any of its synonyms, just hanging up.

"Hey Tim," Bernard says, draping an arm over Tim's shoulders. Tim does that no-response thing that Bernard's halfway certain means he doesn't like it, but he ignores it. If Tim doesn't want to be touched he can just say so. "What was that about? You practically ran out of there. Not that I don't sympathize with the urge to get out of physics, but normally you don't seem to have it."

"Phone call," Tim says shortly and completely uninformatively.

Bernard sighs loudly and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I kind of got that. But with your busy social schedule surely you get called all the time?" He isn't sure if this is ironic or not. Tim's schedule has cleared up a lot lately, but on the other hand he still hasn't been willing to talk to Bernard much outside of school. And he's never seen any of Tim's other friends, if they even exist. Then again, he'd thought Tim had made Stephanie up, too.

"Not by her." Tim doesn't seem even a bit cheered up by Bernard, which means…

"Shit." It hits him suddenly. He's only seen Tim looking like this when something reminded him of Darla or Stephanie unexpectedly. "Is somebody else dead?"

Tim nods, once, and doesn't say anything, just twists out from under Bernard's arm and walks away quickly enough that Bernard knows the conversation is over whether he wants it to be or not.

***

Bernard has the skill to coax Tim into telling him at least some things. More than he'd ever expected, really. Like the fact that both the funeral and the will reading are on Saturday, which tells Bernard…something. That Tim's dead friend is older than they are, almost certainly, because she has a will, and he doesn't know of anybody in high school who does. That Tim was close enough to his friend to be mentioned in the will, or at least think he might be. Sometimes Bernard wonders about the parts of Tim's life that he doesn't see.

He doesn't call Tim on Saturday; even if he caught Tim at a time when he wasn't at the funeral or the will reading, Tim would be even less talkative than usual. Instead, he waits for Sunday, when Tim should be at least a little recovered and not nearly so busy. He pretends it's just a normal call, like he isn't bursting at the seams wanting to know everything Tim hasn't, and probably won't, told him.

"So, Tim…you want to go see a movie or something?" he asks. "I'm sure we can find something up to your standards in the theaters."

"Can't," Tim replies. "I've inherited a large amount of computers and I have to move them today."

"Today?" Bernard asks, brow arching involuntarily. "There's a time limit?"

"Not…technically, but it's really better the faster I do it." There's a lot unspoken there, and Bernard can feel it, but he has no idea what it is. Which is frustrating, as are many things with Tim.

"Well, I think I can figure out how to disconnect a computer, if you want some help."

"These aren't exactly standard, but…you mean that offer?"

"You know what they say: good friends help you move, great friends help you move bodies." Which was…perhaps in bad taste, considering. But there's only the usual (usual now, anyway; it's like he's gotten worse at being normal) socially awkward Tim Drake silence (like it takes him a second to realize it's a joke and figure out the right reply) before he retorts.

"And which one are you?"

"I don't know, Tim, you got any bodies you need moved?"

"I might, you never know…but seriously, it'd be great if you'd help. It'd keep the tension at reasonable levels, at the very least."

He's not even going to ask; sometimes even he knows better. "So should I come over now, or what?"

"Oh, right, you don't know where…you have a car, right?"

"Yeah…should I not meet you at your house?"

"We've already left. We're almost there, even."

"Uh, okay, where's 'there'?"

"You know the clocktower?" Tim asks.

"Yeah…" Bernard says. Everybody who's lived in Gotham for a while knows the clocktower, and most Gothamites have lived there for a while (sometimes he thinks there's something in the water that keeps them there no matter how bad things get). He waits for Tim to give directions starting at the clocktower. But he doesn't. "Wait, you inherited computers which were stored in the clocktower?"

"Barbara owned the clocktower," Tim says mildly, like it's a completely normal thing to know somebody who owns such a…landmark. "Just ring the doorbell when you get there and somebody will let you in."

"Sure," Bernard replies. "This had better not be a prank, though. Wait, scratch that, I think it would actually be reassuring if it were a prank."

"Noted," Tim said. "Prank you later, though; I'm at the clocktower."

"See you there."

***

Despite Tim being…Tim, Bernard halfway expects it to all be a big prank involving whoever owns the clocktower getting angry at him, so he's a bit apprehensive when he rings the doorbell. Not that he shows it; even if there isn't anybody watching (and he isn't entirely certain about that; the camera over the door is difficult to miss) he's not going to let anybody know how he feels. After all, nine tenths of success is appearance.

There's a buzz and the door unlocks remotely. Nobody pops up and says anything, or uses the intercom, but he assumes the unlocking means he's supposed to enter. Or at least that's the excuse he'll use if he gets arrested for trespassing. The door opens easily, anyway, so there weren't more locks than the ones which were just unlocked.

The door opens into a hallway. Elevator doors are sliding open at the end of it, like the clocktower's expecting him, and when he enters the elevator they close and the elevator starts to rise without him doing a thing. Just how wired is this place, anyway? And if the previous owner had been the one who'd wired it this much, what kind of computers had she left to Tim? The elevator doors slide open at what's apparently the top floor before the roof (which apparently also has elevator access), cutting off his train of thought.

What looks like a really intense "discussion" cuts off as the doors open, and everybody turns to stare at him like he wasn't expected, like they have no idea what he's doing here. But he recognizes Mr. Drake, so he knows he isn't in the wrong place. Tim darts forward (who knew he could move that quickly?) and pulls him into the room.

"Oh good, you're here," he says, quicker than Tim should ever speak. "I'll just introduce you around and then we can get to work. So, this is Dinah Lance, Helena Bertinelli, Dick Grayson, Jim Gordon, and you already know my dad." He's practically bouncing in place (okay, for anybody else it wouldn't seem extreme, but for Tim? Bernard wonders how much caffeine he's had, especially considering how much Tim seems to enjoy coffee in the normal run of things), and barely gives Bernard a chance to shake hands and say hello before he pulls him into another room crammed full of computer stuff and electronics Bernard doesn't recognize, even from the computer and technology magazines he'll never admit he reads. All of the chairs have been removed from in front of the desks, he assumes for easier access to whatever has to be packed up.

He can't stop the quiet "wow" which slips out of his mouth, and Tim smirks at him.

"I never would have taken you for a technogeek," he says, but with the caress he's giving the computer stuff with his eyes Bernard knows he'd be geeking out far more than Bernard is if he hadn't seen it all a hundred times before. After all, he actually knows what it all is. Presumably.

"I'm not," Bernard protests, knowing it's futile. "But I don't think there's a person alive who wouldn't be amazed by this, even if half of it's barely recognizable."

"Yeah," Tim sighs happily. He's in geek heaven. "Babs always had the best toys, but she never let me play with them, except when I wired the place and helped her test it."

"You wired the place?" Bernard asks, surprised. He would have thought it was done by a professional. "How wired is it?"

"More than you would believe," Tim replies. "It took forever because I had to do it mostly by myself."

"She didn't help?" Bernard tries to work out why. With this much technology, he'd have thought she could do the job herself.

Tim takes a picture from one on top of the desks and hands it to him silently. It's Dick Grayson from the other room with a redhead in a wheelchair, and he practically smacks himself. No wonder she hadn't wired the place herself. No wonder there's an elevator. No wonder there aren't any chairs in this room; it has nothing to do with packing. Sometimes he's just a bit slow.

"So…how'd you get to know her well enough to wire her clocktower?" Bernard asks. "Or do you secretly run a business that I don't know about on the side? Though if it was a business I don't suppose she'd have left you her computers."

"Hey, you never know," Tim says with a shrug. "Can you unhook that monitor and pack it in that box? Use plenty of padding." He starts unhooking a different monitor. "But no, no business. We met through Dick."

"Okay…how do you know him then?"

"Used to live next door to him."

"Now, when you say you lived next door to him, do you mean when you were at that boarding school, or during No Man's Land, or when you lived next door to Bruce Wayne?"

"The latter. Bruce adopted him just recently. I thought you read all those tabloids and gossip columns and everything?"

"What, really? I haven't really been paying attention lately, I guess."

"Things have been crazy," Tim says quietly, and they work quietly for a while, remembering everything that's happened to Gotham and to them lately.

***

"Hey, what's this?" Bernard asks, holding up a metallic sphere. "I think I see a button."

"Don't press it!" Tim yelps, snatching the ball from Bernard's hand before he can. "This is one of Dinah's, actually."

"Did I hear my name?" the blonde - Dinah - asks from the doorway.

"Yeah, we found one of your toys." Tim tosses it at her.

"I didn't know she had any more of these," Dinah says, tossing it casually from hand to hand. Bernard wonders if that's such a good idea, since Tim had freaked out so much when he'd been the one holding it. He thinks perhaps his feelings should be hurt, but at least it seems she knows what it is, which is more than he can say.

"Waste not, want not?" Tim offers with a ghost of a grin.

"Guess so," she says. They're quiet for a while, until the silence makes her shift. "It's going to be weird. Without her." She stops with a glance at Bernard.

"I know," Tim replies. "I might be able to help you with business. A little. But it won't be the same."

"No." She fidgets.

"Why don't you go use the holo-room?" Tim suggests, possibly just to get rid of her.

"It still works?" she asks. "I thought you turned all the computers off."

"It has a completely different set," Tim says. "And I'm not taking them."

"Really?"

"They wouldn't be much use to me without the room, you know."

"If you say so."

"Really, Dinah," he chides her. "You need to get over your technophobia. It's not as if computers are going to become less prevalent in the future, after all."

The noise she lets out is half way between a laugh and a sob. "You sound just like Barbara." She disappears from the doorway.

Tim twitches like he wants to chase after her and apologize, but he returns to packing up the computers.

"Holo-room?" Bernard asks.

***

Bernard has never before been told about anything which "officially doesn't exist, or at least not on Earth outside of a few research labs", but he knows that even if he had been he would have loved the holo room the most, simply because it makes Tim talk to him. And sure, half of the talking he's doing is warnings not to tell anybody about it and attempts to describe things as vaguely as possible (especially where his friend had gotten the technology from), but still. Tim. Talking. At length. Without much prompting at all, nothing behind a murmured mm-hmm. Even if he only has the vaguest idea what Tim's talking about, and half the time it's like his mom lecturing him, it's still Tim talking. It's impossible not to love anything which does that.

And he's always known that there's more under the surface of Tim Drake than he'll ever see, but that doesn't make it any less of a palpable pain to see Tim so alive, so talkative, and then just shut down completely when his dad comes into the room.

"Are you guys about ready to go?" he asks with cheerfulness so fake even Bernard can see it, and this is only the second time he's seen Mr. Drake.

"Sure, Dad," Tim replies. "We just have to take everything out to the car. Or cars; I'm not sure it'll all fit in ours."

"I can take some in my car," Bernard offers. "I think I can find my way to your house from here without too much trouble."

"Why don't I ride with you and make sure?" Tim says quickly, obviously not wanting to spend a lot of time with his dad. "Wouldn't want you to get lost and end up in Blüdhaven or something."

"Sure. If that's all right with you?" Bernard says to Mr. Drake.

He looks like he's going to say no (he kind of twitches, even), but he doesn't. "That's fine. I just hope we have enough space for all this at home."

"I'm sure I can make some."

Bernard has no idea what the deal is with Tim and his dad, but he knows that a) he doesn't want to know, and b) he wants to be as far away from them as possible because he doesn't want to be in the same room as them when their cold war erupts into violence (hopefully of the screaming kind, but he can't get Tim's old bruises and stitches and scars out of his mind). He grabs up a box and takes it into the elevator. They drop their almost-fight to do the same.

The nice thing about elevators is that they don't have to make as many trips up and down; they can fill the elevator, take it down, and unload it to the cars, and return for the remaining boxes and cases. Plus, no stairs, which is always a good thing except (the elevator's signs advise him) in case of fire. Unfortunately, he knows it won't be this easy at Tim's house. Tim's room is on the second floor.

***

It's always somewhat disturbing being in Tim's room. Of course, it's Tim, so disturbing (as Bernard is starting to realize) is not actually too unusual. But it's unnatural for a room to be this clean and neat, the bed made and wrinkle-free, everything obsessive-compulsively put away and, knowing Tim, probably alphabetized. Tim had sketched out a layout in the car and begins unpacking and putting everything in place as soon as they take the first load upstairs. He lets Jack, Bernard, and Dana bring everything else upstairs while he places monitors and computers and stuff Bernard doesn't recognize in places which look completely random until he has almost everything placed. He works without stopping even momentarily to consider placement until he just stops and steps back.

"Got it all placed?" Bernard asks. "Because I think it's about time to turn it all on."

"Yeah," Tim says, pressing a power button which turns everything on. "I just hope I can get in."

"What, the will didn't have a password in it for you?"

"Clearly you don't realize how much security is on these machines. Barbara changed her password a lot, plus there's various biometrics. I mean, hopefully she added the person she left the computers to to the security system, but if she didn't pretty much the only thing these computers are good for is scrap metal."

"Couldn't you reformat them? Or something?"

"She was big into computer security; do you honestly think she wouldn't protect her computers from that?" But the computers have no problem with Tim, booting to various operating systems as soon as they collectively scan his retina. Bernard doesn't recognize the names on half of the splash screens, much less the programs which start up automatically and minimize immediately.

"So I take it she was a power user?" Bernard asks, as if he doesn't know. He hadn't had any idea that Windows could be made to look like that.

Tim snickers. Bernard's never heard him snicker before, so it's possible he's boggling a little. "Oh, you have no idea."

"I think I'm starting to get one."

"You really aren't." Tim seems to remember that he doesn't want to tell Bernard a lot, even so obliquely that he doesn't have any idea what he's being told. "Hey, you want to play a game? I'm sure she's got a few not-yet-released games loaded on these, even if she never played."

"She was a beta tester and she never played? How does that work?"

"She was the worst kind of workaholic, and…not technically a beta tester." He hands a keyboard and mouse to Bernard (pointing at the monitor he now has control of) and pulls out a pair of gloves and a strange pair of glasses for himself.

"Is that some sort of virtual reality thing? I thought those were just science fiction."

"Bernard. You do realize we live in a world which gets invaded by aliens on a regular basis, right?"

"Good point. So why don't I get a set?"

"Because there's only one, and also they take a while to really master. Mainly because you absolutely have to touch-type with them, without the benefit of having anything to actually touch."

"Fine, fine, have it your way. Which game should I kick your ass at?"

***

Tim is actually really good at computer games (and they try several, because Bernard thinks it might just be a fluke at first, a game that Tim's played a lot), the result, he says, of having friends who play them a lot and used to drag him into them all the time. His closed-off expression tells Bernard that they're yet another topic he's not supposed to ask about. Tim's new computers are amazing. They play the newest games on the highest quality and they don't slow down even a little. Maybe in a few years, after the games are released, after they're getting a bit on the old side, computer enthusiasts will have computers which can play the games at this speed without cranking down the video quality.

It goes without saying (or even glaring) that he shouldn't ask for specifics about how Tim's dead friend had this technology.

"We have got to do this more often," he says, flopping back on Tim's no-longer-military-neat bed. "Your computers are awesome."

Tim's only answer is a smile saying just how aware he is of that fact. Knowing Tim, it also means Bernard has no idea how good they are.

"See you tomorrow."

***

Tim's hiding something. Bernard can tell because he's acting completely normal. This is Tim. Is normal even in his vocabulary? He does have a wide and varied vocabulary (he always uses all sorts of big words that are probably on the SAT and, like, in spelling bees, but he never blinks when Bernard uses the most obscure slang terms he knows in an attempt to get Tim to admit there's something he doesn't know), but somehow Bernard doubts it, unless it's defined there as just "not Tim". Bernard's known he was unusual since they first met. How long has Tim known? Surely he isn't so wrapped up in himself that he has no idea.

"So, Tim, what's going on?" he asks at lunch.

"Going on?"

"You know what I mean. You're acting…normal."

Tim raises an eyebrow. "You do realize what you just said, right?"

"Since when do you act normal? You aren't normal, not by any definition of the term."

"Maybe it's easier to…pretend."

"Is it?"

"Yes," Tim says flatly, not even trying to pretend he's telling the truth. It's like he has to lie to Bernard but wants him to know he's lying. Which, translated from Tim-think, doesn't mean he wants to tell Bernard. It means he has a secret so strange there isn't a snowball's chance in hell that Bernard will guess, or at least that's Bernard's translation.

Idly, he wonders if there's anybody else who's had occasion to develop a mental Tim-English dictionary. He wonders if they (whoever they are, if they exist) have a better one than he does.

He wishes he knew them so he could compare notes.

He's almost certain Jack Drake doesn't have one, or at least not one that's anywhere near accurate. The people at the clocktower, however…too bad he never bothered to remember their names.

***

Tim seems invested in keeping Bernard away from his dad, or possibly his computers, so for the next few weeks they spend a lot of time going to movies in theaters and eating at fast food joints and hanging out at the mall, even though Tim never buys anything, or even looks at it like he's considering buying it. They could, theoretically, go to Bernard's house, but the only thing it has in its favor is the computers and consoles, and he's been depressed every time he's looked at them since he played with Tim's computers. Besides, it probably does Tim good to be around people outside of school. God knows he doesn't get out of his house on his own, in a way that has nothing to do with being grounded and everything to do with Tim clearly wanting to be a shut-in when he grows up. Or possibly before.

They're in the food court, nursing a couple of sodas, when Tim tenses like he suddenly remembered or realized something.

"What's the matter, Tim?" Bernard asks. "Leave the stove on or something?"

Tim doesn't respond, and the way he's just staring into space and not blinking is now reminding Bernard more of people having flashbacks in movies, minus (of course) the guns and explosions and driving cars into things. But Tim's never been in a war, so any flashbacks he has have no reason to involve guns or explosions or anything violent.

Then again, he has no reason to be having flashbacks.

Wait, had Tim been in Gotham during No Man's Land? He'd never talked about it, but then Tim never talks about anything except, apparently, computers. And him being here during NML would explain his dad's possessiveness/protectiveness, if he's afraid he'll lose Tim if he lets him out of his sight. Maybe the clocktower people were part of the reason Tim was here? It would explain the hostility.

If it's a flashback they need to get out of here. And if it's about No Man's Land there's no way he's going to try to take Tim's soda away from him, even if his ever-tightening grip means his upholstery (and Tim's pants) probably isn't safe.

He manages to get Tim out to his car somehow. How, he doesn't know, because all of his attention is focused on Tim, on worrying about him. Because Tim's never been normal, but this is strange even for him. The cup goes, as he'd predicted, before they're even out of the parking space, so now they absolutely have to go home, because there's no way he's going to let the soda just dry there and ruin the upholstery, and Tim's a bit too far out of it to take him to the deluxe car wash where they clean the inside as well as the outside. And the $5 car wash does nothing for upholstery.

At the house, he shoos Tim out of the car, and he just stands there and does nothing about his pants even though they have to be uncomfortable in their wetness while Bernard dries the seat off the best he can, cursing. Not that he begrudges Tim his little moment of craziness, but he has to use the car, and the wetness is kind of annoying. Then he drags Tim inside before he can realize that Tim almost certainly has some sort of skills with which to defend himself if he really did survive NML. Fortunately, Tim seems content to let him drag him around.

"Take off your pants and put those on," Bernard tells him when they reach his room, pointing to a pair of his pants. Tim's zombie flashback mode is apparently also a follow-whatever-orders-he's-given mode because he starts taking his pants off immediately.

Bernard hadn't thought to guard against this, mentally, because while he knows he's attracted to Tim, Tim is normally way too modest to strip in front of anybody. It's actually amazing that he survived dressing out for gym without dying of embarrassment. Well, unless he actually did die, and became a zombie, and this is just his zombie side asserting itself. He shakes his head, and tries not to stare, because it's Tim. In boxers. Without anything over them. If Tim wasn't all zombified right now…but he is. He takes Tim's pants and puts them in the washer, then calls Tim's dad and asks if Tim can spend the night, using the soda incident and "a shower" as the reason Tim isn't the one calling, as well as the old "I thought if I left it up to Tim he wouldn't ask" to convince Jack. Tim isn't the only one who can lie, and it seems unlikely that he'll be together enough to go home at a reasonable time today.

When he returns to his room, Tim hasn't put pants on. After the sacrifice of pants he'd made, zombie Tim's snubbing them. He should feel insulted. He probably would, if the boxers weren't shorting out every thought in his brain.

"Tim, I know we aren't exactly the same size, but you do need to wear pants of some sort," Bernard says in as close to his normal tone as he can manage, holding the pants out toward Tim. He hopes Tim doesn't notice how little success he's having at not staring. The boxers hide nothing.

Tim grabs his wrist really tight. "Ow. Ow, ow, owowow," Bernard whimpers, dropping the pants. He's going to have bruises, and it doesn't look like Tim's even trying. Tim's hold lessens a little, enough that Bernard could maybe move a little without his bones getting broken, if he didn't know that Tim could tighten his grip at the slightest move he makes. "Okay, Tim, you don't have to wear pants if you don't want to. I mean, we're just in my house, not outside where you can get arrested for indecent exposure or anything." He's babbling, but Tim's scaring him and he talks a lot when he's scared, it's a defense mechanism…and he should really calm down. Even if Tim's having a flashback, maybe he can calm him down and make him let go of his wrist.

…Except he has no idea how to snap people out of flashbacks. And somehow he doubts Tim's going to let go of him so he can look it up on the internet. "Tim, you want to let go of me?" he tries hopefully. "I'm not going anywhere, you don't have to hold on to me." Tim doesn't let go. This is almost certainly the longest Tim has ever touched him voluntarily. Unless it doesn't count as voluntarily because he's so out of it. Without Bernard being the one doing the touching, anyway. "Can we at least sit down?" Bernard asks, edging towards the bed. "Maybe you can go to sleep and wake up, you know, not acting all weird? Or at least, acting weird in the ways you normally act weird, not in this way. I'm so not helping my case here, am I?" But apparently he is, because Tim sits down next to him on the bed, close enough that he can feel his body heat all up and down his side, not just where Tim is gripping him like a vise, like it's life-or-death that he keeps holding on.

Bernard keeps up a steady stream of talk, still trying to calm Tim down or at least get him to let go of his wrist, because the constant pressure on his new bruises isn't pleasant no matter how much he wants - craves – Tim's touch. His strategy has limited success. Tim doesn't let go, but his grip loosens as he pillows his head on Bernard's shoulder and falls asleep.

Gently, carefully, Bernard slides his wrist away from Tim's hand and massages it. Definitely bruised. If it had been a life or death situation…well. It wouldn't have been Tim who was the weak link, that's for sure. If he'd been dangling from a ledge or something, he would have been able to hold on until somebody got there to help pull him up, if he wasn't able to do it himself. It's yet another of those skills it's not entirely unreasonable to develop in Gotham. Bernard wonders if he'd developed it deliberately, if he'd ever had to use it. If he'd ever had occasion to really notice its lack.

Tim's starting to drool on his shoulder. They may be friends, but Bernard doesn't let anybody drool on him, no matter how good a friend they are. Carefully (because he doesn't think his wrist can take much more abuse, and Tim's going to feel guilty enough whenever he snaps out of this without breaking it) he maneuvers Tim into a lying position on his bed. It's a bit early, so he can put Tim's pants in the dryer and look up flashbacks online and then go to sleep on the couch and avoid Tim until he puts some pants on, because Tim's straight (he dated a girl Robin!) and not interested and even if he was right now it would be wrong to take advantage, like date rape or something. He tries to leave, but Tim, still sleeping, puts his arms around him and pulls him down onto the bed next to him, snuggling into him like he's one of those body pillows or Tim's girlfriend (well, okay, not Tim's girlfriend; there's little doubt in Bernard's mind that Tim's still a virgin, girlfriend or no girlfriend). He pulls Bernard down so that he's lying down too, so that they're spooning, and then Tim throws his legs around Bernard so he can't even move, and it's a good thing he went to the bathroom earlier because judging by the way Tim's holding on to him with all of his limbs he isn't going to get another chance anytime soon.

It's a very good thing his parents are out of town, Bernard thinks, because this is not the kind of thing he wants to have to have to explain. Or at least not when it's just because of zombie Tim. Now, if he could convince Tim to give him this much contact without him being all messed up in the head…perhaps they could work their way up to it? He wonders how he could even broach the subject to Tim. He couldn't even talk to Darla about his attraction to her, and asking somebody of the opposite gender out when they aren't interested doesn't freak them out nearly as much as asking somebody of the same gender does.

Speaking of attraction, it's really difficult to ignore Tim and his pantslessness when he's right there at Bernard's back, wrapped around him like…something that wraps stuff. Wrapping paper, maybe. Though he's so warm, he's closer to being an electric blanket. Wouldn't that be delightful in winter, a Tim ready and willing to cuddle? He takes a few moments to enjoy that thought before he remembers that the reason he's having it is because Tim's in the same bed as him (to understate things). Things are going to be awkward enough when he wakes up without getting turned on. So, change of mental subject. To…he chooses a subject at random. Vegetables! Vegetables are completely nonsexual. They don't have genders, aren't involved in sex, there's absolutely nothing erotic about them. In fact, they're so horribly boring he wouldn't be surprised if he dropped off right now. Except Tim eats vegetables. With every meal. Sometimes as a snack too. It's like he's a health nut or thinks he might get scurvy at any moment or something. Or like eating vegetables is some part of his religion, possibly all of it. Which totally fits with Bernard's theory about No Man's Land; he's heard that there hadn't been a lot of vegetables to go around then, and that after NML a lot of people who'd stayed had a newfound love of them. Like the almost worshipful expression on Tim's face when he digs into a nice plate of vegetables. Maybe there's some way he can get Tim to turn that expression on him.

Wait, no, that's the kind of thought he's trying to avoid. But what can he think of to avoid that kind of thought? Is it even possible, with Tim pressed into him so warmly? Ugly old people? His parents having sex? Math? He feels his eyelids growing heavier and welcomes the darkness that signals sleep.

***

He wakes up when the warmth at his back shifts. His side feels cold in a couple of places, and he knows that the warmth had been on them too, and now is gone. He presses back into the warmth in an effort to get it to stay, to not go anywhere.

"Um." Tim's voice says from behind him, and it all comes crashing back. He sits bolt upright and starts rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Sorry," he says, voice still thick from sleep. "Forgot about you."

"Um. Sorry?" At least it seems that Tim's back to normal. Tim normal, at least.

"You had a- a- flashback or something, and all you can say is sorry? How about you tell me what that was all about?" He turns to look at Tim for the first time since he woke up, but Tim is looking everywhere but at him, like he's fascinated by Bernard's room, like he hasn't seen it before.

"I can't," he says quietly.

"If you can't talk to me, at least tell me you have somebody you can talk to," Bernard says. "Because that? Was not exactly reassuring of your mental health, no matter how good a façade you put up the rest of the time. I'm going to have bruises."

Tim's eyes snap to him, like he can't help but look. "Did I- what did I do?" He sounds halfway terrified, and maybe there's something to Bernard's theory about abuse because he looks like people in Lifetime movies who are afraid of being second generation abusers.

"It's fine," he says, holding up his wrist. "You just held onto me like I was your lifeline or something. Not that I mind, except for the pain, but you really need to talk to somebody."

"I can't. I'm not allowed."

"Why not?"

Tim is silent.

"There's nobody you can talk to about…whatever's bothering you?"

A hint of a smile twitches the corner of his lips. "Nobody living."

"So talk to somebody dead! Talk to their grave or the air or write them a letter. I don't care how you do it. But you need to talk to somebody, even if they'll never be able to talk back or give you advice."

Tim looks shocked, but he nods like it's a good idea, whether it is or not. "Um…where are my pants?" he asks like he's halfway afraid of the answer.

***

The only word he can think of to describe Tim when he sees him next is "guarded". Of course, that could describe Tim at any point, but it's somehow more now, like he's been experiencing actual emotions and doesn't want anybody to know. And it's not because of his little freak-out the other day, or at least not just about that, because he'd been more or less Tim-normal when Bernard had dropped him off at his house afterwards, and now he's…guarded.

This is, actually, an improvement, because it means he has something to guard, as opposed to the terrible blankness of the other day. And it's like it's Tim's natural state to be guarded, because he does it better than anybody, well enough that Bernard only knows he's guarded because Tim lets him see that, even though he isn't anything close to letting Bernard see his actual emotions that he's guarding.

"Am I to assume you actually followed my advice?" he asks. "Is it snowing in Hell? Are pigs flying without mad scientists being involved?"

"It was…helpful," Tim replies, the pause meaning something significant, but as usual with Tim, it isn't anything Bernard can interpret. Sometimes Tim can be so frustrating…but today Bernard's content to just have him back to his usual enigmatic self.

***

~Months Later~

Tim's hurt, he went away for his vacation away from his parents and Gotham and he came back covered in bandages. Not Band-Aids, bandages, taped on and huge and white and Bernard knows that he isn't actually covered in them because Tim's been covered in bandages before (it's what made him develop the abuse theory), and this is nowhere near as covered as he had been then because it's only on his head, and those had been mostly on his body, where there's a lot more area to be covered. But he has bandages, and one of them is behind his ear, like if whatever wound Tim had gotten had been just a bit deeper his brains would have leaked out on the ground or whatever he hit his head on. Or if it had been more forward, he would have lost his ear. Bernard pokes at it.

Tim ducks out of the way, like he hasn't done on a regular basis since- well, since before Bernard met him, because somebody trained him to not mind when people around him get in his personal space and stay there. But it looks like he's only ducking because it hurts, not because he doesn't want – make that isn't willing – to be touched. Which makes entirely too much sense, and he really should have thought of that before poking at Tim's fresh wound.

"Sorry," he says, dropping his hand. "What happened? I let you go on vacation without me for one week, and what do you do? You get injured."

"I can't talk about it," Tim replies, tapping his also bandaged middle and index fingers on the wall in what Bernard's brain is insisting is a pattern, even if he can't work it out.

"You can't share the story of how you got horribly injured with your best friend?" Bernard asks.

"What makes you think you're my best friend?" Tim asks, and on anybody else that tone would be completely serious, but this is Tim, and he's had months in which to find Tim's sense of humor and learn when he's making a joke.

Bernard clutches his chest. "You mean I'm not? Oh, how you wound me!"

"Yes, I've ditched you for the company of a bear whose acquaintance I made in the woods."

"Is that what happened to you? You got a bit too close to the honey or something?"

"I told you, I can't talk about it, but there were no bears involved. I told my dad I fell while climbing." Which, of course, means that there was no climbing involved, at least in the injury, because Tim never tells Jack the truth, even when it would be smarter to. He may have climbed a little just to make sure he was acquainted with the process or something, though. His fingers continue tapping.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Bernard asks. If his fingers were hurt badly enough to be bandaged, he doubts he'd be tapping at every available surface.

"Yes."

***

Maybe Tim's a masochist. It explains the injuries, the old scars, the tapping with injured fingers. But he doesn't stop tapping after his fingers heal, and he always seems to take good care of his injuries and at least try to avoid getting hurt. Bernard could almost pass the scars off as clumsiness, but he's actually seen Tim move. There's nothing clumsy about him unless he's doing it deliberately.

The tapping is not some sort of nervous tic or habit; Tim had picked it up all at once when he'd gotten injured, and it gets faster as time passes. Maybe it's Morse code, with one finger for the dit and the other for the dah? But what's the point of sending messages to yourself in Morse code, especially when it's Morse code which makes no sense? Working off that theory, Bernard learns Morse code and attempts to decipher what Tim's tapping out. But neither BENPYR nor JTAXLK is a word, nor anything like a word, so either it's in code (he wouldn't put it past Tim to use a code in his Morse code conversations with himself, but he doesn't have anything near the ability to decode it if that's what he's doing) or it isn't Morse code, just some weird instant habit of Tim's. If anybody could pick up a habit immediately, it's Tim, so he stops even trying to comprehend Tim's actions.

He starts getting a lot of weird spam in his email account, emails all from different addresses. Most of them try to get him to take various quizzes, but some of them ask really personal questions which, when taken as a whole, seem to be rather pointed. Either somebody's trying to set him up with Tim or Tim's sending the emails. While he can't think of anybody who would want to set them up, the alternative is even more unlikely.

"I've been getting these strange emails lately…" he tells Tim.

Tim freezes, and a strange expression passes over his face. Maybe he had been the one sending them. But he starts muttering to himself. "I can't believe you did that."

"Hearing voices, Tim?"

"In a sense." Tim looks like he wants to jump out of the window to escape this conversation. They're on the ground floor, so he wouldn't get hurt too badly, but jumping through closed windows is never a good idea so Bernard makes sure he's between Tim and the window.

"So, what, you have multiple personality disorder and one of your personalities sent me the emails?" Bernard doesn't give him enough time to pretend that's the truth. "Please, how stupid do you think I am? And I know that you don't regularly berate yourself out loud in second person, so don't try to pretend you do."

"Sorry," Tim says, looking at the floor. "I have a friend who's, um."

"Trying to set us up?" Bernard prompts. Tim nods and doesn't look in his direction. "Well, I assume they at least bothered to find out if you're interested before trying, so…" he steps forward and kisses Tim. He can't get at Tim's mouth at first, because he's looking at the floor, so he kisses Tim's cheek, and then Tim turns his head and his lips slide along his cheek and then he's kissing Tim's mouth, and it falls open, and he can't keep his hands off of Tim, just has to get in contact with as much of him as he can, and it seems Tim has the same idea because he's licking the roof of his mouth and his hands are somewhere on Bernard's back and they're pressed together close enough that there isn't any space between them.

And then Tim's pulling away and saying something, not to him, but not to anybody else because there's nobody else in the room, and Bernard knows he should be focusing but his lips are swollen and possibly his brain is melted because he didn't know Tim was interested, or that he was such a good kisser, or that he could be so expressive. But then Tim turns his computer monitor on, and it isn't showing the usual desktop, it's showing video, and he doesn't think he should be seeing this, because it's the kind of video they never get on TV, video of some field by a farm, with superheroes really close, fighting what looks like Superboy, except that isn't his costume and he's right there besides, on the ground like he's hurt. And the video is being taken by one of the heroes, somehow, because there's movement, faster than anyone but one of them or a professional athlete could move, and there's no reason an athlete would be in the middle of nowhere for a battle like this.

Tim's into it, more than Bernard would have expected him to be, nails digging into the palms of his hands and biting his lip until it bleeds and looking like he wishes he were there even though, if that many heroes can't do anything, there's no way he could if he were there. He flinches every time one of them gets hurt especially badly, but he doesn't look away, just keeps staring like it's a train wreck, like if he looks away it'll just be worse. And then some interminable amount of time later the battle's over, all except the cleanup, and he kind of wonders what happens to the bodies of the dead heroes except that's so not a good thought to be having after watching that, because some of those bodies were pulped, and if none of the other heroes know their secret identities they'll have to be identified by dental records or fingerprints or DNA or not at all. He barely makes it to the bathroom in time.

He rinses his mouth out and returns, and Tim looks a little bit grey but he smiles like he'd just gotten here, like they hadn't talked about the emails or kissed or seen that video. And he can almost believe it was all a hallucination, because his computer looks like it hasn't been touched since last night when he'd checked his email, and Tim's smiling like nothing had happened, but there's a line of blood caked on his chin from when he'd bitten his lip, and his nails are red at the tip, where they'd been pressed into his skin so hard he'd bled. And he's grey, like he should be going into shock or fainting or something, and he's just smiling like nothing had happened.

"Shouldn't we, like, send that video to the news or something?" he asks, and his brain isn't melted anymore, it's frozen, like a block of ice, and he just can't go along with Tim's little charade right now, no matter how much closer it might get him to kissing again.

"What video?" Tim asks, gesturing at the computer, where pipes are endlessly being drawn across the screen.

"I can't deal with this today," Bernard says, to himself or to the air. He doesn't know. But Tim nods once and leaves.

***

It's on the news, later. There isn't any video, just bland descriptions and photographs of those who'd died. Some of them don't even have photographs, just names in the list, and he wonders if anybody knows them, if anybody mourns their deaths as anything more than one more hero who'd died today.

He sees Tim in school, and they're still friends, but Tim's always busy now, busy and not in his house, and when he sees Jack Drake he looks defeated, like he's not allowed to have his anger any more, and without it he has nothing.

Tim continues his enigmatic tapping, and his concealment of his emotions, and starts having bruises and cuts and broken bones all the time again. And Bernard knows that he can have Tim again, if he connects the dots, follows the breadcrumbs, deciphers the encoded Morse code he taps on every available surface.